tobemarked

2008-05-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've moved locations once again...

http://tobemarked.wordpress.com/

Waiting

2008-04-20T13:13:00.000-07:00

There is so much to blog, comment on and ponder about. So I don't know how this is going to relay onto my blog but I got to try.

Recent happenings...
Well I'm down to my Finals week at school. I've got four finals to go, Hermeneutics, Arts and Culture, 19 century reformation and Sin and Salvation. After this that will have been three years of Bible college with one more year of full courses and one year of internship. I opted to do a internship year without any courses. This will delay my 4 year program and extend it one more year. But if I know myself well enough I know I can't put to much on my plate if I want to do things well. My reflections on the school year? Alberta Bible and Rocky Mountain Bible College connected to make it available for students from ABC to participate on the sports teams at RMC. Some played on the hockey team, others basketball and futsol. It was interesting to see what happened when students ended up on teams. It has been a long time since ABC had students participate in competitive sport. I just hope this can continue for the students and this is moving forward for the community and student body.

We haven't collectively merged with RMC academically, because I believe what we are doing although small are building towards a better learning environment for future students. Tuition's are low, Profs are available when you need them and the influence of transformational learning with the practical side of ABC is something that is hard to find. Ps. We are now accredited.

Those NHL playoffs and the Canucks....
I haven't commented or made any venting public since the Canucks were knocked out of playoff contention and for good reason. The first round of the playoffs are almost complete. Calgary and Montreal are on the brink of elimination. Ottawa put up a dismal effort against the power house duo of Malkin and Crosby. But we all knew Ottawa was out no matter what they did. Canada's hope rest on the shoulders of Iginla and those inconsistent Flames. While in the East Price, Kovelev and the Habs salvage some premature thoughts that 12 straight in the regular season would translate in a easy first round opponent in the Bruins. As I sit and watch the playoffs and I become even more of a hockey fan through and through. I actually sat and watched and cheered for other teams. I found myself cheering for the Capitals and Ducks(and I might have a bias because of some Canuck influence). Watching the talent in Pittsburgh and the trampling of the Sens. How can you not cheer for the Penguins at this point. So much talent and all of it being displayed. Players playing to their potential. I am becoming more of a fan of the game of hockey, if not already.

As I mention players playing up to their potential, I must talk about that team that never did this year. Especially the last 8 games. Don't get me wrong I will and forever cheer for the Canucks. But at the end of the year I have never been so disappointed. I lost hope in my childhood heroes. I remember I cried when they lost to the Rangers in game 7. I saw Mr. Canuck Trevor Linden kneel on one knee tired and in disbelief they had a chance to win it all and now we may never see him play another game. This Canucks team never played up to their potential. They say back and watched teams demoralize them and take advantage of a less than confident team. On top of that David Nonis was fired a week ago or so. I can't comment on whether this was truly a good thing. But I know that at the tradeline the problems team with the lack of offence was not addressed and now Canucks fans are in the waiting room to see whats to come next. Who will the GM be? Who will be traded? Will Linden come back(its not official folks, but it might as well be, but here's hoping one more year)? Does Naslund resign for less and become 2nd fiddle to new blood? Rumors out there have Luongo upset and wants to be traded. I would be upset that my team depends solely on me too. Luongo can do a heck of a lot, but he can't score goals for you. If the rumors are true. I believe it is up to management correct the situation before trying to trade possibly the best goalie in the world at the moment. I will throw this out there. But if the Canucks trade Luongo for anything less than 2 proven offensive players (Heatley, Spezza, Lecavalier, Crosby, Malkin,) and solid goalie and a number one draft pick, I will become a Flames fan. In other words... Don't trade Luongo for anything less than an amazing outlandish trade.

But there is one saying Canucks fans have been accustomed to, "Well there's always next year."

Consumer Responsibilty...
Recently there has been protest against the Summer Olympics. I've made some inquires and gathered some information about China and what is going on there. Peacefully I agree with protest. Done in a manner that is peaceful and thoughtful. Trying to disturb the passing of the torch from nation to nation and using hateful words is not the way to go. But maybe being educated in why and what is going on. I have decided to more conscience of what I buy. boycottmadeinchina.org speaks about what is going with our money and how it empowers a government. I don't want to just look at China itself and I'm not talking about the people, but the people in charge. Those with political influence and those of us who have a choice to make a conscience one. Where does our money go and how can we be responsiblie? Do we as North American profit from the welfare of those who work in forced labour camps? I am still learning myself, but I know we need to be more conscience of what we purchase. Importantly for human rights issues, but also as a enviromental issue. How many starbuck coffee cups do we throw out in a year? Plastic bags we use and throw away for that single cd you bought. How many things do we purchase and realize that it was really not needed? This includes me, but we all need to make a diffrence in our power to purchase things or not to purchase. Lets make the smallest ecological footprint in this world as individuals and make the biggest positive impact in the lives of people.

to be continued....

The Girl by Dallas Green

2008-04-14T09:06:00.001-07:00

I wish I could do better by you,
Cos that's what you deserve.
You sacrifice so much of your life,
In order for this to work.
While I'm off chasing my own dreams,
Sailing around the world,
Please know that I'm yours to keep,
My beautiful girl.
And when you cry a piece of my heart dies,
Knowing that I may have been the cause,
If you were to leave, fulfill someone elses dreams,
I think I might totally be lost.
But you don't ask for no diamond rings,
No delicate string of pearls,
That's why I wrote this song to sing,
My beautiful girl

Faith under a tree

2008-03-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." (Matt 22:34-40 Msg)

Last week I was asked a question:

"How can you be rabid for Jesus and not come across as a bigot?"

Christians have had there time in the sun and in the mud. The worlds reception of Christians depends from person to person. Good or bad, we are asked to love God first and alongside that love our neighbor. To answer this question I must look at being solely sold out to Christ command of loving God and loving people. I think most time we think about how many people we can turn on to Jesus. But who wants to follow sheep that are really wolves masquerading as sheep. Not practicing what we preach. Sometimes we fail to be an example of Jesus. In our work place, schools, community and the many diffrent circles we run in. Some may say that the church is going to hell in a handbasket, but I would like to say it's not. Christ message is love with grace and in that grace we can find a peace/understanding that surpasses all things plain and complicated. I myself have not come to be a follower of Jesus to judge those around me, but to love (whatever that might look like). Its a tough job loving people at times. It stretches my comfort zone, pulls me places where I would normally wouldn't want to go. It goes against the grain of self perservation. But thats the amazing thing about the love I find that Christ gives. I don't do it for treat or sticker or be in the good graces of Gods eyes. But I do it because faithfully that is the only thing I know that can make this world a better place. It is the greatest commandment; to love. To love God and to love people where they are at.

Some quick thoughts...

2008-03-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

Listening to No beginning, No End - Hawksley Workman

So here I go again. Blogging again. Maybe its because certain people have come back to their blogging ways and have inspired me to blog once again.

Have you ever heard of Vlogging? Video blogging your entries and recording your thoughts. I don't know if I could ever Vlog my thoughts. The fact that you could see me 10lbs heavier is something that doesn't seem appealing. Or what about Flogs. A blog dedicated to blogging about the meals you eat. The food you eat at restaurants or your own home cook meals. John Mayer did it once on his blog. It was funny.

But here I am again blogging. I've only really wanted to blog important thoughts and not useless information that will stay on the Internet forever. But sometimes you just need to write and reflect.

Today I almost died?!? When you drive in the snow there are people who like to drive slower than usual. And those people are me. Today I was merging onto Sarcee and this guy in the minivan was bearing down the backside of my little Honda Civic. I was pressured to move at a faster rate just so that we wouldn't collide. But at this point I was turning and turning in my car in the snow takes a little more grace. I started to feel the car lose its grip and my back side was starting to shake its tail. The guy avoided me and passed me while I span and did a 360. Luckily I didn't have to merge into any traffic at the time. But cars were heading towards me from across the overpass. I quickly collected myself from being a little shaken up. And quickly turn the car around and got going to church.

My only advice/vent, please slow down when driving in the snow. Some people don't wake up thinking it would be nice to have their life flash before their eyes in the middle of the road.

Something Random
I had a quick conversation with some of the grocery guys at Sobeys. We were talking about how the world is such a complicated and frustrating place. "I think its time for a INFESTATION of ZOMBIES." The name of the person will remain anonymous but I thought how our funny around the compactor can go from what the world is, to what we would do when if Zombies started to roam the streets of Calgary.

If anyone cares... I've had a PS3 for 3 months now. I've reached level 41 for my COD4 (WOOT!). Rockband is the great new addiction especially when you have a great names like Travs Supertramp(drummer), Jimmy Stones(guitar), and JJ Jeffersons(lead singer) to the newly formed band "Jefferson's Flavor". There is an audition for a bass player in the works.

Thats it for now. See you sooner than later.

Genesis

2008-01-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many bloggers out there blogged about the new year? The beginnings of a new year, giving opening remarks about what this new chapter will entail. What hopes and dreams they have ... goals, aspirations they may conjure up.

This year I'm not gonna do that. But allow for what will come and embrace it. Whether it be good or bad. Heart breaking or blissful. I dare to dream, but for now not out loud. Being easily surprised is far better. [End blog]

Just a thought...

I was thinking about the songs I love to play over and over on my ipod and itunes at home. There are just some songs I can never out play. I can listen to them everyday even if they are 2, 5, 10 years old. I just can never get tired of them. Sometimes those songs get you through a tough time, or they take you back to a time when heard it in thebackround or some certain event. I just can't get tired of them. So I just thought I'd make a list and ask that you do the same and post your all time repeat replays. Heres 59 of many songs that I can play on repeat:

30 Seconds to Mars - A modern myth
Alicia Keys - If I ain't got you
Alexisonfire - This could be anywhere in the world
Amel Larrieux - Make me whole
Agualung - Brighter than Sunshine
Beatles - Hey Jude
BellX1 - Eve, the apple of my eye
Bic Runga - Sway
Bill Withers - Ain't no sunshine
Brian Mcknight - 6812
Brooke Fraser - Saving the World
Buckcherry - Crazy Bitch
Carrie Underwood - Before He cheats
The Cars - Drive
City and Color - Comin Home
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
Coldplay - Sparks
Colin Hay - I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Crowded House - Don't dream it's over
Damien Rice - I remember/The Professor & La fille Danse (live at Cornucopia)
Dashboard Confessionals - The Best Deceptions
David Crowder - You're everything/Stars
David Gray - This Years love
Eminem - Till I collapse
Feist -1234
Jeff Buckly - Last Goodbye
John Legend - Ordinary People
John Mayer - Slow dancing in a burning room
Justin Timberlake - Lovestoned, My Love, What goes around comes around
Kanye West - Golddigger
Lenny Kravitz - Again
Lifehouse - Everything
Linkin Park - What I've done
Maroon Five - She will be loved
Michael Buble - Home
Michelle Branch - Breathe
Montel Jordan - Get it on tonight
Nada Surf - If you leave
Nelly Furtado - Promiscous Girl
Nelly Furtado, JT & Timbaland - Give it to me
Iron and wine - Such great heights
Incubus - Just a phase
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere over the rainbow
Nick Drake - Northern Sky
Nsync - Gone
Paolo Nutini - Last Request, Rewind
Peter Bjon & John - Young Folks
The Police - Roxanne
Rachael Yamagata - Meet me by the water
Rage against the Machine - Wake up
Rihanna - SOS
Rufus Wainwright - Across the universe
Ryan Adams - Come pick me up
Shania Twain - Don't
The Shins - New Slang
Sigur Ros - The nothing song
Solomon Burke - Don't give up on me
Switchfoot - I dare you to move
T-pain feat. Akon - Bartender
U2 - With or without you, Where the streets have no name
Wilco - Jesus etc.

2007-12-25T22:39:00.000-08:00

There was a man who lived in Alaska. A very simple man and was liked by all the people in the small village he lived in. Every night he would take a walk and think about that hole in his heart. He didn't know why or what caused it. But he felt as if there was really a hole in his heart.

He would return home and lay in his bed and lie awake for hours thinking about that hole in his heart. This would continue for a year. He would take that evening walk in the rain, snow, and clear glass night, just before bed. And for a year he would lie in bed awake thinking about that hole in his heart.

But one day the towns people came together and brought him a log. He was never known for a carver. It took him 5 years to crave that log.

They raised that log some years ago. And when you stand there realizing that it took that log hours of carving to fill that hole in that mans heart. You stand there just looking at it and just wanting to cry because of it's beauty. That beauty of that mans hole in his heart.

2007-12-14T23:19:00.001-08:00

Worn-down

2007-11-21T17:05:00.000-08:00

"Worn me down like a road

I did everything you told

Worn me down to my knees

I did everything to please"

- Rachel Yamagta

I do my best. I try my hardest to please. I fall and I get up. I do better. I learn from the past and do what I can. And when I think I'm doing better. I just see more disappointment. I try to cross these bridges but it feels like we just keep burning them. I've failed. Not because I feel that way. But because you just keep telling me that. You've ingrained in me that it's suppose to build character. But what about that loving character. I don't see it and I don't get it. So I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you. Because you've worn me down so much that I'll never measure up. So I'll dig deep, find it in myself to do it on my own and when I get off my feet and find my place. I will give credit where credit is due and I thank you. I'm grateful and will always be. But when I'm gone, I'll be gone because of you.

Upchuck the boggie woggie

2007-11-15T21:11:00.000-08:00

Well after the vomit attack I had last night. I am feeling a lot better. I really don't know how it happened. Food poisoning? Who knows, but my stomach is feeling a lot better. Lying in bed trying to read was what I wanted to do. But my stomach just started to have these pains. Like a ball of needles poking my insides from all angles. I tried to sleep it off. But I kept rolling in bed trying various positions to ease the pain...

30 minutes later...

I decided to get up and throw up. I got up. Walk up to the bathroom door and I felt this urge. I rushed to turn the light on. I lifted the seat and dry heaved. A minute later... goosh the dragon from my stomach decided to come on out. I haven't puked in a long time. And for good reason I remember why I hate throwing up. It hurts, it makes me tear up and taste of lunch hours ago isn't pleasant either. Now my decision to upchuck my lunch, dinner, snacks etc. open the door to consecutive time going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I don't want to ever want to throw up again or at least 5 years from now.

Photographs and Memories

2007-11-12T22:43:00.001-08:00

You take them out. You blow the dust of the top. The smell of fall helps you remember. A certain rhythm serenades you. You don't remember that purple sweater. You wished you smiled that day a little longer. You want to go back. You laugh at how funny our faces could make that face. Everything was touched by the sun back then. You wished it was like that now. But now they are just memoires hidden away for another day. For another day.

For blogs sake....

2007-11-10T23:30:00.000-08:00

I just thought I should blog just cause I haven't in a really long time.

It's been one week since I've gotten back from Poland. The 2 weeks spent there was amazing and one day wish I could go back. Take more time... visit things on my own. Or revisit it with some friends. The experience was unforgettable and would love to repeat it one day.

So I'm back in the swing of things. Papers to write. Assignments to finish or start. Reports to evaluate. A life to map out. School is going to be a blur for the next 4 weeks.

I'm really not sure about social politics. The crassness of whats going on. I'm not sure if its me. Or if its someone else. But I feel like you need to prove something to someone to get some respect. What about just accepting the person for who they are and allowing them the opportunity to prove you wrong. I hate how people do things just so they can fly under the radar. Or why sometimes people do things so they can be considered. Not because its the right or best thing to do. But they do it so they can just climb that social ladder. And those judging just eat it all up like a fat kid who loves cake. I'm really not sure anymore that I want to even compete, because that's just not me. And if it means missing opportunities, then so be it.

Northwest watch (NHL news):
Canucks are on a small streak. 3 wins
Flames have dropped 5 in a row.
Oilers (30th placed team) beat the Flames.
Colorado & Minnesota are great opponents hopefully we can catch'em.

Winter is coming. I'm a little excited.

Poland 4 days in...

2007-10-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have finally made time to post. 11:36pm on a wednesday evening in Krakow. Our 10 hour flight over wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The flight went well and the lay over in Frankfurt was nothing we couldn't handle. Being able to step out for a few hours in Frankfurt was a nice surprise. Almost missing our flight to Krakow would of been a story to tell but thats one of many stories I'll leavethat out. I'm just thankful that the pilot was nice enough to be delayed 10 mins.

Krakow is a amazing sight. I'm quite speechless. The architecture and the old structures that have stood the test of time is quite surreal. Standing in the square and seeing all the things that are around me and being in the enviroment I am in. I still cannot believe I am in Europe. This is my first time to Europe and hopefully not the last.

To be surrounded by people who aren't speaking your language, signs that I cannot read and traffic norms that are completely diffrent from what you are use to, really streaches your comfort zone.

But I allow for all of it to be a great experience. There is so much to learn and digest and the 2 weeks here will do no justice to it. But I hope in the next following days I continue to embrace what I have come to love here in Krakow. I almost don't want to go home and just continue this journey. 10 more days....

I stand in the square of old town, Krakow

Not knowing the full history that surrounds me

But it capture me

Knowing that the steps I take

were once taken by makers of history

Culutres, traditions and art encompass my thoughts

as I catch glimpses

What a sight to see, I wish you could see

Tommorow we are back exploring.

Rypien, NHL 08, Poland, Thanksgiving ...

2007-10-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since last I posted a blog. Alas I'm back.

Boy was I a happy camper. I had the night off. The Canucks were on sportsnet west. And Rick Rypien got the call to come and play with the big boys finally. After all his injury woes and not making the cut after the preseason. He got his chance and made it count. 1G, 1A. Out of all the guys that didn't make the cut... I was truly disappointed that Rypster didn't get the call. But all good things come to those who wait.

5-2 Canucks over the Oilers.

So the NHL is in full swing. There has already been two major suspensions. Crosby with only 2 points. Spezza with 10A. And finally the Flames won a game, thanks to Brendan Morrow.

I'm only in one pool this year and I currently sit a distant second to Lane, due to his insane picks... that has given a good 20 point lead. Who would of thought Stastny?

Mentioning suspensions... Steve Dowine was suspended for his hit on Dean Mcammond(20 games) and Jesse Boulerice for his cross check to Ryan Kesler (25 games). I think the suspension was fair. But I feel that Boulerice should of gotten more. If the NHL wants to make a bold statement.. they should of slapped the guy with 40 games... Yes thats pretty much half the season, but maybe guys would think long and hard about using their sticks as weapons. This might sound a little bias due to the face that this happen to one of my favorite Canucks... But someone has to be made the example and it might as well of been Boulerice. They even could of done that with Bertuzzi and I love that guy. I'm sure 25 games is a lot but why not stick it to all thsoe guys who have little talent and forget how privledge they are to be playing professional hockey as a living.

This time next week I will be travelling over the Atlantic Ocean heading towards Krakow, Poland. It will be the first time my feet will ever touch European soil. I'm really excited. I don't know what to expect. All I know is that I can't wait for 5:55pm on Friday October 19th...

Thanksgiving was a blast. My uncles farm had some many random filipino redneck moments. Samurai swords, Army style rifles, goats, pigs and an H2. I hope to get the pictures soon from my cousins...

I'm so tired, thats it for now... I'm out.

Adventures in Solitude

2007-09-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

So today I spent the day alone. Nursing my ankle and alternating ice pack for another. Compression and Elevation on the neck of my couch. I went in and out from naps. What did I accomplish today? Not much. But enough I that I feel that my ankle is a whole lot better from this morning. I awoke with such pain. So there was no need for me to hobble around school. I felt like I could afford to miss class today. At least that's how I justify things.

I read my text(I'm half way done) for Church growth and theory: The Forgotten ways by Alan Hirsch. The book is getting to the real meat of it all and I'm quite enjoying this one. I'm coming out with ideas and inspiring thoughts that I hope to implement into near distant future.

We can only live changes: we cannot think our way to humanity. Every one of us, every group, must become the model of that which we desire to create. - Ivan Illich

I've been bouncing the thought of how people hate going to church or that people are tired of going to church. But would really like to talk about who God is and discuss what Jesus was trying to get at. I feel that a lot of people who have been going to church for awhile are left with only a temporary spiritual high, inspirational thought for the heart that last only till the early recesses of Monday morning. It's just not enough to sit for an hour and a half in service and be done with it. I think there needs to be changes. Changes in the way we do church.

For one... I think we need to make church more interactive. How? I don't really have the answer. But it can't be 80/20. Pulpit/Audience. I think people need to be more active. Be more involved in more social action than putting a monetary band-aid in some dish. Maybe church could be done down at the seed. Feeding the people, building relationships and reflecting the light of the world through the lives we try to proclaim to others who don't go to church. Maybe we need to be doing it more proactively. What if church was done this way. Each sunday the church is out doing a work bee, holding a lunch at the nursing home, going downtown handing out blankets etc to the homeless, cleaning the neighborhood. Doing these things builds relationships and living out and practicing our faith instead of just saying it by sitting in the pieu and listening to the pastor each sunday.

Becoming a mobile church. We are to be the hands and feet of Christ. Why aren't we doing it? Instead of looking like the normal church gathering for an hour or two each week. Why not mobilze and do something with that time?

I know I'm rambling and there is more behind this. But what if Church was done in a more proactive way. Could this be possible?

40/60

It's happening all over again.

2007-09-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Last night at the volleydome I went up for a block. I landed on a foot. And ended up rolling my left ankle. 2 a half years ago, I did the same thing playing basketball, but it was my right ankle. It took a long time for my right ankle to feel somewhat normal. And to this day it has never been the same.

Present day, I am now nursing a swollen left ankle. A 2nd grade sprain and some tearing of the ligaments. I can see the black and blue creeping up both sides of my ankle. It's not going to be pretty. I'm walking around on crutches and the simple stuggle of getting up and going from A to B takes so much more effort.

I'm hoping and praying for a quick recovery. The doctor said 2 weeks of being off my feet and about three months till my ankle makes a full recovery.

Pardon me Redux

2007-09-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

I guess you just can't have good days all the time. The inspiration of this blog/note comes from a day of frustration, anger, burden, annoyance etc. If only I could find a true word that described this day I would use it. And at one moment in the day I found myself wanting to use words that would later need my mouth to be washed with soap. Pardon me by Incubus always comes to my mind when I have days like these.

"...on the verge of spontaneous combustion Woe is me. But I guess that it comes with the territory, An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity. I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definite possibility to me."

It's such a clear and loud message of frustration with this world and the people in it. Just for a moment I would like to address a few thoughts that come to mind.

We need to be careful not to feed the egos that surround us. Those vessels that carry such a pompous attitude seem to thrive on it and they might believe in some respect that the majority of us concede. But in reality not everyone is willing to put them up on a pedestal.
Get a clue that I cannot be your friend, when I'm trying to do your job. It's about give and take and at the moment I'm just giving, giving and giving while breaking my back.
Are people aware of the social ineptness that they create? Or are they completely clueless?
I can't seem to figure out the two faced people I have come to know and trust and then go from small talk to you are wasting the air that surrounds you.
Favoritism is a horrible thing. But we all do it. Myself included.

Now you may say "Hey buddy, look in your own eye. Before you try and take the plank out of mine". Which is so true. I am to blame for a portion of this fallen world we live in. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick you me, myself, and I. I'm also sick of you, them and the group you belong to.

And finally the fat lady sings with this...

I took a dinner break at work today. I walked over to Subway. I was already a ticking time bomb. With all my frustration coop up inside I was looking to enjoy a pleasant meal. I was standing in line behind four different customers.

The couple in front of me were waiting to get their veggies on their subs. The female requested with a firm lettuce and tomato. The subway employee acknowledge this request. After finishing placing the lettuce and tomato on, the female continue to request for more tomato's and lettuce. "MORE, MORE, MORE". The subway lady acknowledge the request. And again the lady requested more, "MORE, MORE" at this point it wasn't a turkey sandwich, it was a lettuce tomato sandwich. I looked at the amount of lettuce and tomato and I would have to say that any vegetarian would say that was more than they could take. But the customer was displeased and her tone got louder. "MORE..." The subway employee said that she would need to pay extra for the amount of veggies she was putting on... This sounded like attitude to the disgruntled customer. She then proceeded to say "Are you the owner of this place... why do you care if you put all this on. I could have all the veggies I want ... I clean out all the veggies and have them on my sandwich if I wanted!" At this point I could see her male counterpart was getting a little uncomfortable with the conflict unfolding before him.

At this point I was steaming. I couldn't handle it anymore. I spoke up and the bomb exploded. In a deep and booming voice I said "Why don't you calm down? It's just a fricken sandwich, you don't need to be so rude about it." The customer retorted back with "Did you hear the attitude she gave me?" I repeated what the employee had said " Yeah she kindly let you know that you had to pay extra for those veggies you were requesting!" At this point her whipped boyfriend turns around and glares at me. I only glare back, ready to throw down. But before anything could transpire. The other subway employee swoops in to finishes the order while, the lady continues to grunt under her breath and stare back at me.

The couple left and the lady behind the counter thanked me for speaking up even though she was quite upset. I simply replied with "It's no problem, it's been a long day and I was looking for a way to blow off some steam."

The one funny thing about the whole ordeal was the little boy that was standing behind me. Waiting patiently. I look back at him and he catches my eye. He simply tells me, "I hate it when people get made at the sandwich lady".

"I know what you mean kid." I tell him.

Vancouver

2007-09-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Listening to: U2 - Where the streets have no name (Vancouver Canucks intro)

Okay so I've going around the internet reading all the comments on how the new look Canuck Jerseys are being received. Josh Plummer who is linked on the right side of my blog has dissed the new look jersey. He isn't happy and so are a few thousand Canuck fans out there.

I believe a lot of Canuckle heads out there wanted just to bring back the Vintage Jersey. The colors were great and the logo was simple. I was hoping but you knew the masses weren't going to get what they wanted. Plus money is needed to be made... and bringing back the vintage jersey would of done nothing profit wise. I can understand that.

But here was my first response to the jersey ... "VANCOUVER!" Why did they have to post the VANCOUVER lettering over top of the logo? Whats the deal? I think a lot of fans around the league know where we are from.

But it's taken me this long to admit that I actually like the dark blue jersey with the lettering of Vancouver on top of the logo.

The canucks are probably the laughing stock of Jersey logos and colors. Remember the hockey skate? The halloween colors? The V? Yah we haven't been consitent or carry any real tradition with the jeresys like Montreal, Toronto, and New York. But I'm going to support the Canucks, ugly jersey or not.

GO CANUCKS GO!!!!

I Want Someone To Eat Cheese With

2007-08-31T19:21:00.000-07:00

Same shirt, different day

2007-08-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Listening to : Brooke Fraser playlist (I've got a crush)

Have you ever wondered when you see that apple at the grocery store and ask yourself, "How fresh is that granny smith apple?" Have you ever wondered and stood there watching the produce clerk and say"How fresh is it?" Well here is something to think about when you go to your local grocery store.

CA or Controlled Atmosphere. Is an agricultural storage method. An atmosphere in which oxygen, carbon dioxide and nitrogen concentrations are regulated, as well as temperature and humidity. Fresh fruits, most commonly apples and pears, where the combination of altered atmospheric conditions and reduced temperature allow prolonged storage with only a slow loss of quality. http://www.bestapples.com/facts/controlled.html

Did you know that you might have on your kitchen table a year old apple or pear. That the apple you ate was picked and packaged a year ago? I've known this for awhile, working in produce for the last 4 years. It's something that I've kinda known as one of those weird facts that you know and oddly bring up at a party that you were invited to where you know no one except for the the person who dragged you along because they needed someone to fall back on if things got awkward. Like this fact, Did you know that at least 5 spiders crawl into your mouth in your lifetime while you sleep? Okay I don't know the exact number but I've heard that one and others have confirmed that fact.

Back to my CA...

So there are CA storages in the state of Washington. Where your local grocery giant orders and gets your Gala, Breburn, Granny, Fuji, Golden & Red Delicious apples etc. Thousands upon thousand of apples sitting and waiting to be shipped 6-8 months later from when they were picked. Because of the controlled gases such as Carbon dioxide, Nitrogen concentrations etc. the apples can last longer and won't spoil after 8 months of sitting and waiting to be eaten.

Aside: I realize what I do in this world may indirectly or directly effect the course of another persons life. I believe we are all connected somehow.

All these apples that are stored away so we can eat apples year round are horded in these storages while children, people, moms, dads, boys and girls are starving. Why are we storing apples that can be shipped around the world and feed so many refugees, homeless, children, and families.

There are so many problems and issuses that contiune to make those who are privledge to make our heads spin a million times over. But like my aside mentions... take for consideration that the choices we make can indirectly or directly effect a person you may never have thought in the first place.

I'm guilty and I'm not trying to put blame on anyone particular. Me, myself and I contribute to the major problem. But I take this into consideration.

Thanks to Dan the elderly man who comes to visit our produce department from time to time to chat it up with me and take up 30mins of my time a shift. It's always eaiser to pass time at work with a good conversation. Food for thought.

Feels like home

2007-08-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

I awoke to the sound of my alarm. It's 7:30am on my first of two days off. It's quite early since last night I spent the night playing Poker with my brother and Justin who is visiting from Vancouver. It was like old times. To add I've never seen my brother chase circles in his head wondering weather or not I raised or called pre-flop or not. It was a glorious feeling to see him so scattered brained trying to figure out if I had the cards or not.

* an aside: Good poker players will bet to put the other player to make a decision for all his/her chips. Forcing them to make that decision is hard and ultimately make them fold.

This morning I drove Justin to the car rental shop at the airport. He was driving to Edmonton for work purposes. He's visiting us as well as doing some business up north. I had time on my hands. So I decided to take a bit of a detour instead of turning back home.

The air is much cooler now in Calgary. I take a look at my weather widget and it tells me it's 15 with a high of 18 and a low of 6. Possible showers sometime during the day. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but it feels like summer has left us and all we have now is the suns light to remind us that it was once here. But the air is cool now and the breeze carries a soft whisper of fall. Something I quite welcome, but I hesitate cause I know it's only going to bring along the way the harsh call of winter. But nonetheless I am really excited for the fall.

As I drove home with my window all the way down. Hoodie in tow and my music bumping to the latest 50 cent feat Jt track. I could smell the familiarities of home. I can't really explain but I will try in this web log (blog, I just leared where blog came from). Certain smells, moments, places, occurances take you back to a time where you feel comfortable, safe and at peace. As the crisp cool air and the smell of fall around the corner brought me from being unsteady, to steady and rattled to still. Lately I've been coming to grips of my struggle to feel confident in what kind of cards that have been delt to me. But I once heards awhile back "don't blame anyone for the cards that were dealt to you, but it's how you play those cards that were dealt to you, that will determine your destiny". But in this August morning I feel inspried to be at peace for now and I will enjoy this moment. As should you if you are still reading this.

I realize that I don't ever want to take for granted the things I love most. Because when you do, you miss it so much more.

The Office & Random thoughts

2007-08-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

The Office season premiere episode “Fun Run” airs Thursday, Sept. 27.

This isn't a official blog just thought I would give a small reminder to all those office fans out there.

What happens if your Boss joins Facebook? Do you add them? Do you ignore the request? What do you do?

Have you looked up into the sky lately? I've been seeing some awesome cloud formation and colors.

This year I'm going to welcome the fall with open arms.

Althought Tom Cruise has fallen off his rocker in the public eye. I recently watched MI3 and was throughly entertained once again.

Just Jared. I'm addicted.

Being sick always sucks.

The Vancouver Canucks are going to unveil their new logo/jersey August 29th. I'm not hoping for anything nice. The Canucks have always been the laughing stock when it comes to Jerseys. I saw who cares what they wear. It's how many goals will they score and how many games is Bobby Lue going to play?

Anyone own a Ipod Video that they want to sell?

Going home for the Journey

2007-08-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

Summer highlight

(not many this summer but this one is climbing the charts)

Journey Softball team

I was invited by Stacey to come play on a softball team way back at the beginning of summer. Probably around the time school was done and full time work was creeping up. The invitation was so far ahead that I totally forgot all about the invite.

But one fateful day, on a day off from work(which is rare these days) I get a call from the big leagues asking if I can come out and play for the Journey church. I scrambled to look for my good old glove but couldn't find it. So I sought out a new glove which set me back a few bucks and some poor old cows behind.

I can still remember my first game. It was cloudy. The shale was moist and you could smell the hot dogs and peanuts being sold from centerfield. Okay there was no vendors present. But the shale was moist. I saw some firmilar faces and it was a pretty good debut for the filipino fury, that even Coach Tasha and Fred asked for him to come back.

The team was competitive, outgoing and lots of fun. We didn't have a team name and didn't know how to introduce ourselves to our opponet. All we knew was that we muttered under our breath that we were going to crush them politely. When we were up to bat, no one ever wanted to take a walk. We were natural hitters, nothing less and nothing more. And maybe at times we should of just taken the walk than foul out or fly out. I'm sure more runs would of been scored. Our fielding was like a wave... Sometimes it was 3 up and 3 down... other times it was bobble here, fall and slip there and finally 3 out. Whatever the case we were always up for the challenge.

Chad the consummate pro. Bruce & Paul trustworthy with the bat and the glove. Leanne was always steady, the girl could rover like no one else over. Kathy can hit. Katie a hitter not a fighter. Sparshu 2nd basewomen, she could smack one in the gap. Tasha and Fred always staying postive and always encouraging. Nelson the Guillotine and the team was awesome to be part of.

But my summer slo-pitch journey ends prematurely. Next week playoffs start and I will be in Indiana. And if we get pass that game, the finals will be held the following saturday. So as I end this ode to softball summer fun blog. I tip my hat to all my team mates who I enjoyed spending a few hours a week with. I throw my glove in anger to frustration when the ball isn't falling in the right spot. I clinch my fist and hollar to "run like the wind". And I say "Swing away Merrill", when the bases are loaded. Go home for the Journey.

Random rumblings

2007-07-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

Photo Radar:
Since moving to Alberta I've been fined a total of 190 dollars. The latest one came in today at 85 bones. I was 63 in a 50 zone. Where? 900 Memorial drive. Photo Radar? Is it another way for the government to make some easy cash? Or does it actually help make streets safer?

Rumbling: I like the idea of the photo radar in school zones and the at lights where there is potential for people to run red lights. But on the highway, where I got my first one ticket... was pretty ridiculous. I'll pay the fine. But I'll watch my speed from now on, on memorial and on 14th street.

Articles on Photo Radar:
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070719/photo_radar_070719/20070719?hub=CTVNewsAt11
http://www.thestar.com/News/Columnist/article/233782

Summer heat:
I notice that a lot of people are complaining about the heat. I just want everyone to remember the late and long winter we had. How everyone was done with snow and wanted the sun to come out. Also watch the Inconvenient truth. Global warming might be an issue here too. Maybe you are contributing to why it's so hot out right now. As for me. I don't mind. It can get hotter if it wants to. I work all day in a air conditioned grocery store. Also to my disposal are three large coolers, one equipped with a mister.

Global warming solutions:
http://www.ucsusa.org/global_warming/solutions/ten-personal-solutions.html

Slurpees:
I'm reliving my teenage adolescents. The squishy did it.

Canada's only Kwik E Mart (in my hometown):
http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2007/07/04/kwick-e-mart.html?ref=rss#skip300x250

Softball (slo-pitch):
I hate being so competitive. I love our team and how we are all hitters. Our last game we should of won. I guess we can't always hit homers.

I'll sleep in when I'm dead.

2007-07-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

It's my 2nd day off for this week. They are treasured and cherish days for sure. Working 90 hours plus last week was insane.

Stampede is finally over. Things in the city are back to normal I feel. Stampede kinda takes the whole city over and this buzz fills the air and is accompanied with the heat. At the beginning of the week of Stampede I was pretty anti-stampede. But decided to try it out. So one fateful Thursday afternoon I head down to see what all the yahoo was about.

My assessment of stampede was compared to the PNE & Playland back home in Vancouver. Playland has a variety of wicked rides while, Stampede had a couple thrilling, get you upside down and leave you dizzy rides. Playland has roller coaster, Stampede doesn't.

The fair grounds are pretty equal. Fair food is the same all around. Elephant ears, mini doughnuts, corn dogs etc. The day I was there they had a live concert. I believe it was the band "LIVE". They sounded amazing for a live concert outdoors. I enjoyed them and so did all the pot smokers in the crowd. Overall it was a good time. I would have to say I would go back next year and say that the Stampede has a better feel and overall great atmosphere. Minus the fact that they don't have some gut busting rollercosters. Stampede creeps a little further up the chart then the PNE. But not by much. Big high fives to Amber and Valerie for showing my a good time.... and Pam and Evan for showing me around a super huge corn dog.

The last week and a half have been my first to do this in Calgary this summer. So I jouryned off to the Calgary Zoo with Summer. It was her 2nd time going, while my first. We Walked the grounds and saw amazing creatures. Some you could never see in Vancouver. Cause the Vancouver zoo sucks. Sorry Vancouverites it is true. Little monkeys from all over the world. Some monkeys that look like little demons with spikey hair. We met a gorilla named Zahara. If you ever go to the Calgary Zoo. Make sure to schedule your time to see the presenation on the gorilla troop there. Zahara has a amazing story. A heart breaking one too. Also another thing you should do at the Calgary Zoo is grab a Screamer. Soft ice cream layered between slurpee mix. An amazing treat even if you are lactose intolerant. It's worth the pain.

Well it off to get my passport pictures. Get my work pants hemmed. And play some softball tonight.

Leave your mark (challenge)

2007-07-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post.

I will no longer post anonymous comments. I'm a firm believer in making your mark when commenting on someones thoughts, stories, beliefs etc.

Md.

An ugly fact of life

2007-07-10T22:32:00.001-07:00

Listening to: An ugly fact of life - Explosions in the sky (amazing song)

Why do we get up everyday? If all your debts were paid off. If all your chores and affairs were put to rest. If all your relationships were made straight. If all those things were laid to rest. Would I still need to get up every morning? This blog by no means is a call for help. Or a way to seek attention. Although this is posted publicly and for some of you (who ever you are) who read this. I'm just putting my thoughts out there. For reasons I don't know why. But maybe more so for accountablity.

But lately this summer has been one I would like to lay put away hidden in the bookshelves collecting dust. Right now I'm on a path I don't know where it leads. I've made plans, but we all know that we can all make plans, but the Lord determines his/her steps. I've been having a rough time adjusting to leading my peers at work. Finding the respect I feel I should be granted. I feel in some sorts abandoned this summer. So I've been folding the cards I hold. In some aspects I've isolated myself and granted the honesty of my heart to be shadowed with ignorance. At this point ignorance would be bliss. But truth be known I'm just fooling myself. I just want to say that this is another valley I'm going through. But I feel as if thats just a cop out to why I am here running through the forest.

As busy as I am and distracted from my own self destruction. I'd rather not get up. I've been losing my step. I've missed a couple exits along the way. And this maze has gotten out of control.

I'm not sorry for myself or wallowing in my sorrow. But I'm just wondering why this part of life which has been allowed to me. Will help me later down the road. Everything happens for a reason right?

You can't lose what you don't put in the middle

2007-07-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

We've all heard of art imitating life, what about life imitating poker.

The last time I played some poker was about a week ago. I came 2nd the first night. The 2nd night I came 1st. I love playing poker. Especially around my close friends. No money is ever involved. Just consequences. Like the 1st one out has to deal for the other players till the very end of the night (cause no one ever likes to deal). That gets everyone tight and plays conservatively (plus its a disgrace to go out first). If you don't believe me. Forget about it.

I recently watched one of my favorite movies, "Rounders". If you've never played Texas hold'em. You should just watch this movie. It will clear a lot of things up.

Texas hold'em is the "Cadillac of poker". You never play the cards, you play the man in front of you. You look for tells, weaknesses, and play a strong poker face when you have'em or even when you don't.
But there are times when you have the cards. Two cowboys in the pocket (pair of kings) or Bullets (pair of aces). That's when you go all in, risk it all and put all you chips in the middle. Theres a good chance you can take down the pot and take the suckers chips.

But there are times in poker when you know you need to fold'em. Even if it is a pair of cowboys you are holding. Cause when the flop comes (community cards that help make a five card hand) and gives you no help for your kings.

You need to know when to hold'em and know when to fold'em.

So for now... I'm folding, because "You can't lose what you don't put in the middle."

Canuck thoughts: For all those Canuck fans out there

2007-07-06T19:45:00.000-07:00

I came across this post on the Canucks forum. Since July 1st Free agent players are being picked up left right and center. Signed for millions of dollars. As for the Canucks they haven't really spent much or made any significant moves to help out the offense for next season. But be patient ... this post explains what I've been seeing too:

When Dave Nonis replaced Brian Burke as GM of the Vancouver Canucks, the team was considered a potential Stanley Cup contender. Nonis was eager to put his stamp on the club, but the uncertainty of working under a brand-new collective bargaining agreement combined with a collective gust of pressure from Canuck fans resulted in a few minor signings but otherwise the team was kept in tact for one last hurrah -- one last run at the Cup.

The following summer, Nonis began building the team. HIS team.

His first major transaction was profound. Nonis managed to unload Todd Bertuzzi -- perhaps the biggest underachiever on the team at the time, and certainly the biggest distraction -- along with stop-gap starter Alex Auld and solid top-4 stay at home dman/1st round pick Bryan Allen for Roberto Luongo. In retrospect, the deal has practically cemented the GM's position in this city for several more years while the losing GM lost his job and the trade single-handedly spun the Florida Panthers about 10 steps back into the rebuilding mode they had seemed poised to get out of.

"Building from the net out", "It all starts in net", "Now we need to focus on our defense" were words you could hear Nonis repeat in interviews after the trade. And of course "Luongo" was the answer to a question posed to him years before on HNIC: "Dave, if you could build your team around one player in the NHL, who would it be?"

The following day, Nonis decided not to bask in the glory of pulling off such a heist and got back to work, building from the back out. Hometown boy Willie Mitchell was exactly the type of player the Canucks needed. It was a common theme at trade-deadline day: "If we could just get a Chelios-type nasty shut-down guy. You know...a Mitchell type guy".

One month later, Nonis continued to solidify the top-4 by avoiding arbitration and locking up Mattias Ohlund to a 4-year deal.Late in the 2006-07 season, the astute GM then avoided losing the Finnish-MacInnis Sami Salo without anything in return via unrestriced free agency by signing the Fin to a 4-year deal worth 3.5 million per season. Another great move by Nonis, as retrospect shows us he would have likely commanded much more had he become unrestricted. Everyone knows about Salo's cannon of a shot, but it's also his poise and confidence that has made him such a critical element to the Canucks blueline.

With goaltending and one of the leagues best top-5 d-core solidified, there was really only one way for Nonis to go to begin the 2007 offseason:"The Bottom Six".Cowan, Ritchie, Isbister. In the former 2, Nonis has locked up two players with what he calls "tremendous compete". Nonis said one of the reasons he signed Ritchie was when the Canucks played the Flames last year, none of the players liked playing against him. This is the type of guy that Nonis clearly wants in the bottom 6. Add other similar type players: Cooke, Burrows, Rypien, Kesler and Jack Adams Trophy winner Alain Vigneault has some serious mustard available at his convenience. While these bottom six may not light the lamp with regularity, there appears to be one thing clear: Nonis expect his 3rd and 4th lines, when not scoring, to work hard, skate fast, hit, fight, and perhaps their most important job description: DRAW PENALTIES.

While it is obvious that the team is going to need more offensive production next year, there simply wasn't money in the kitty (barring trade) to do so. That said, it's still early.

And Dave Nonis clearly has a plan: Build from the back-end out.

1. Goalie CHECK

2. D CHECK

3. 4th line CHECK

4. 3rd line CHECK5.

2nd line _______

...it's so brilliant it's almost funny.....

-end post-

ps (by the way, I'm loving the ritchie, isbister, shannon pickups)

Looking outside the box

2007-07-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

playing Just like a bird without a feather - Samuel L. Jackson (Black Snake Moan)

I went without a cell phone today at work. Not by choice, but by mistake. It seems I've lost track of time and day. Work has totally consumed my days, nights, mornings and afternoons. If not for the reminders of the flyer's and some patriotic customers at work. I would of not known it was July. Stampede is on the way. Ask me how excited I am for that? I'm not. You can't miss, what you've never experienced. I've been in Calgary two years and the closes I've been to experiencing the stampede experience is some left over breakfast sausage from the pancake breakfast at the local Co-op. That was two years ago, when we just moved from Vancouver.

Speaking of Vancouver. We had some vancouverites invade my basement. Danica, Chris and Renz visited us. It's always nice to have familiar faces visit us here in Cow-town. They brought back that Coquitlam feeling back. It's always nice to see familiar faces, but so sad to see them go.

I feel I've been missing summer? I hate that feeling. People coming in with their summer attire. Wishing I could trade in my green leaf defender uniform for flip flops, board shorts and some shades. I can only look forward to the folk festival coming up late July. I have no scheduled time off yet.

it feels like Calgary is empty.

i'm out.

Outro: playing When the lights go out - The black keys

Pardon Me - Incubus

2007-06-30T23:11:00.000-07:00

... cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth. like gravity, hypocrisy,and the perils of being in 3-D...

This morning I awoke thinking positively wanting to have a good day at work. I'm on work day 6. Being promoted and all has it's perks. Better wage, welcomed responsibility and the chance to be a leader in your work place. Although we may never see the fruits of our labour being a produce clerk. I still feel great after a long and productive day at work. But today was diffrent. Right off the bat at 10:30am on a beautiful Saturday morning the world comes crashing down. Or at least the produce department on Country Hills Boulevard in the Royal Oak community. One thing after another keeps coming in my direction. Problems, lazy work ethic and no desire to commit to the work that pays to keep your belly full and your bank account a float.

I felt like I was the only guy in the store trying to keep things going.

$500 dollars worth of raspberries crash to the floor, squished, damaged and made into juice on the warehouse floor.

The responses were:

"Ah don't worry Mark, it's not your money."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Who cares we can just throw these back into their packages and the customers won't know the difference."

I was pretty steamed. I didn't know how to react to such selfishness. To my defense, I know it's not my money and $500 dollars to the Sobeys company really won't hurt the thousands of dollars spent on a daily basis at my store. But I do my best to help the hand the feeds me. I do what I can, cause my manager takes care of me. And in turn I do my best to help him have a better department.

After all that, I just got complaint after complaint. I found myself swimming in a swell of selfishness. I was being selfish for not understanding my staffs complaints and just wanting them to shut up and do the work. I was surrounded by selfish motives and selfish attitudes.

I had to take a break from all of it. I went to lunch.

As I look long and hard out the McDonald's window, sipping on my Coke. I realize how selfish I am. How the world is so encompassed in itself. How each person takes. And takes some more. I'm accusing the world. But I stand in front of it all. I am the first to stand in front and say "Yes I am selfish." I seek attention when not needed. I horde all that I can. I pass the beggar. I pass the collection plate. I look to my comforts before others. I make myself look better than the guy next to me. I do all that I can to get in front and stay in front so the world can't beat me.

I was reading Tims blog on being alien to this world. "Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices."

Sin has stained the whole of mankind. My (if I can make it mine) theology tells me that Sin has tainted all of mankind. We are all born into sin because Adam sinned before God in the garden, which in turn marred all because we are connected with Adam. The world becomes alienated to God. The creator is diverted from his creation. Thus the birth of Christ, His sacrifice and His resurrection. The alienation becomes destroyed and the fellowship between creator and creation through Christ blood and sacrifice on the cross is restored.

Sin has been conquered but his people must contend on the daily basis with the after affects of sins impact.

This is where my dilemma comes into play. I'm frustrated. Pardon me but I am combusting inside hating myself, hating the world and wishing the world would come to a pass. There is so much suffering and so little compassion. So much consumption and so little benevolence. There is to much me and so little you.

I am the first to be found guilty. I cannot exclude myself from the boat of freeloaders. Today I hate myself. Today I really asked myself, "Why God would love us?"

It's a long road

2007-06-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's a long road. I don't know how long? How wide? How narrow? It's not always smooth. A few bumps a long the way. Sometimes I hit holes so large, even with time a preparation you just can't avoid them. I confess to my dashboard as I drive along this road that my hearts been aching. This long road tirelessly wears me down. The edges of my complex smooth out, but this smoothness dulls me. Sections of the road I wish to speed on faster, hoping for a quick and painless transition from desert to forest. But those valleys slow me down, taking me into deep dark places where my fears rest to prey on me. It's a long road. Theres no denying that. What will be at the end. No one knows.

Facebook the dating game, Voice Imodulation

2007-06-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

Just some quick thoughts...

I was talking to a friend about how funny it is that people on facebook so quickly update their relationship status on their profile. "Shooter Magee and Sarah Lee are now in a relationship". If it's on facebook it's official. "Hey world and all my network friends I'm not single anymore." As I type this I'm thinking I might get a few comments posted for maybe being jealous that I myself cannot update my status on facebook. "Go right ahead" but I'm completely alright with that. And take no offence to this post/thought either. But I think it is quite amusing at the fact that once you have changed your profile status it has truly become official.

Recently I was browsing the Youtube site looking for videos on Brooke Fraser.

Brooke on some tv show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3rUgNMDtYg

Interviews, music videos etc. One particular video was of this guy sitting in his room covering "Deciphering me" by Brooke.

See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf-ApECozcc

He made this mock video of him filming himself and other various shots of his pictures, him in the bathroom (God knows why) and random footage. Lately I've been playing some mean guitar looking for some inspiration, imitating my latest and favorite rock artist. And I thought, "people film themselves a lot and post'em on Youtube, why can't I?" So I decided to just play a couple songs, record them and see how it sounds.

Bad idea.

You know how you listen to a recording of yourself on a answering machine? And your first thought is "That's not how my voice sounds like." Well what I hear through my ears when I'm singing is not what I heard on the recording I made. I was disgusted.

This is what the American and Canadian Idol judges are thinking when they ask the auditioners if they can hear themselves singing and actually think the are good.

My voice to me sounds when I hear it. But on a recording it's terrible. I don't know if I can sing in public again ... dun dun dun!

Today: I got a haircut. I don't know if I'll ever be content after I get a hair cut.

A slow dance - Explosions in the sky

2007-06-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. Do you ever have those days when you feel like there is no one around. You have no one to talk to. There is so much to do and so little time. And there is no solid answer anywhere to be found. But somewhere along the way. You get this feeling. Or something happens. You see it. Acknowledge it. And it comes over you. Today I had lunch with a friend. Fixed my car. Danced a bit in secret to Amy Winehouse. Ate some solid food for once. Played softball. And saw some firmilar faces along the way. And after it was all said and done. I drove down 1A West Crowchild. The setting sun gracefully bowing down for the night sky to takes it's place in this part of the world. The cool air blowing through the crack I've made in my window. And the silence of the pur that my fixed muffler makes. And as I pass the last set of lights before I turn off. It comes over me. I know in that moment that there is God. Coming over me, reminding me that:

It's not that others aren't
but this one I know for sure
Your touch, too real, too warm
Your words, too loud to ignore
Too often I overlooked
these moments with you by my side
When absence leads to loss
it's me who's left alive
This moment is you (I'm on my knees again)
This moment is you (completely helpless)
This moment is you (can you restore me?)
This moment is you (bring peace and healing)
Matt Wertz

Weekends - The Perishers

2007-06-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

I know sometimes people look at your past and know exactly how you are going to be. The apple never falls far from the tree. But I will never be like you. Some nights I lay awake wishing I was and always on my own. Because you have a made me a shadow with nothing to follow. Laying cheek down on the cold kitchen floor. Resting, exhausted from all the arguing and pointless conversation under our breath. I am not restrained from who I am or who I have grown up to be. I am someone new. Reborn. Never looking to the past as a crutch, "This is who I am and this is all I will ever be." No thats not me. I will never be you. I sometimes mutter words of hate and selfless thought. It creeps up like a lion after its prey. I slowly combust and I stand left to pick up the pieces after I slowly burn away. I don't know if it will ever change. But I will change and vow never to be like you. There is an exit and I'm going to take it.

To west Texas - Explosions in the sky

2007-06-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

Twenty six. It doesn't feel any different. Replace the five for a six. No younger, no older. I may go to bed earlier. Staying up late is only an option if tomorrow is convenient. Getting older is something I don't look forward to or dread. I'm only looking at how far the road has gone and where this new road is going. Many friends along the way, some important, some unimportant. New places discovered, a new home to make comfortable. All in all I can't say I'll ever be content. But content is how I feel at the moment. I know new sights and sounds are at the horizon. I know and promise to be more daring. To live more for my destiny wherever that might take me. Write more, write a few songs along the way. Run or Jog whatever gets the job done. Take that trip to Europe or road trip till money runs out. Surf the waves of Fiji or Tofino once again. Read all of Donald Millers books, even if it takes me my whole life to read them. Drink less coffee and more tea. Green. Be less angry and more anti-emo (ha ha). Finish school. Sponsor. Pour water from a pitcher and overflow some cups. Live the simple life. That's all I want.

Do you know what it's like...

2007-06-11T17:48:00.001-07:00

... when you stand in a room full of people but still feel alone? Can you comprehend when silence is sound to you? Can you understand fully what it means to be put out on your own? To do life walking alone? What about when the walls have been built up brick after brick, that they are so high that sitting at the dinner table asking for the salt could cause world war 3. What happens to the forgotten amidst the shadow of hate, insecurity and fear? Do you know what it's like to have to come to the realization that being alone can only feel comfortable? Do you know what it's like to never truly trust anyone? Not even the ones you are closest too. What happens then? I once heard someone say "I'm not lonely, I'm just alone". Do you know what it's like?

But maybe you are full of appointments? Maybe it's so hard to keep track of friends and acquaintance's. Too many friend requests, too many social events, too many places to be, to many people to meet. Maybe you don't know what it's like to know what it's like to be me? But when you go home and sit from the busyness of the social migration from once came. You do know what it is like. Because you fill your life with temporary after thoughts of empty pseudo friendships. Only to find yourself alone continuing to fill that gap with bittersweet reconsideration. Do you know what it's like ... I think you might?

(disclaimer: this is not about me. I was listening to explosions in the sky and this just spilled out. Maybe parts of this is me. But I had this more or less spill out just because. Don't worry folks. I've just got my writing itch back.)

Day Three: T3 would be perfection

2007-06-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

Day 3: Road to recovery...

The annoying pain is still there. I awoke with a headache. I can only think it's because of the throbbing pain of the swollen gums. I upped my dosage of Tylenol 3's today to two. I really didn't want to. Because T3 are laced with codeine which is a narcotic. I was a little apprehensive due to the fact that I use to see patients walk into the clinic begging for a prescription. They can be addictive. But man did the double dose really take the pain away. Every six hours I have to take my antibiotic to avoid any infection. So along with that I take a Ibuprofen and a T3. But the second and third round of T3's I just took one today. I just really needed for the pain to go away this morning.

So the swelling is better. I think? Tomorrow I've got to go back to work. I've got to face the public with this face. I almost feel like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. But regardless, this will pass too.

I'm a little disgruntled at the fact that I missed a lot of the sunny weather that has been kickin around Calgary. I've lived like a hermit for the last 3 days.

Movies over the weekend (out of five)

The Unknown 2.5 - A typical who dun it.
The King 2.5 - A disturbing/thriller
The Painted Veil 3 - I quite enjoyed this film
Breaking and entering 2 - Jude Law is the same in every movie he does.

Currently listening to -
Amy Winehouse - Rehab remix feat Jay Z
Brooke Fraser - Albertine
Hawksley Workman - You are too beautiful
Tokyo Police Club - Citizens of tomorrow

On the tube -
Smallville Season finale - I actually saw this on the web. But it was a amazing finale. can't wait for season 7

Well I guess that's all the self advertising for now. Back to work tomorrow.

I'll make him an offer he can't refuse

2007-06-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

Day 2 - Suffering from discomfort and swollen even more.

Yesterday I made a trip out to Dr Kroetsch office for my extraction of my 2 lower wisdom teeth. I was early (30 mins). I chatted with the lady at the front and she told me how she felt bad for taking $600 plus dollars to extract teeth. In my head I thought how about how I am spending $600 to have someone afflict pain. I quickly sat down open my book. Through Painted Desert by Donald Miller. I quite enjoy this book. I laughed and share small chuckles with the people that surround me.

An hour later the nurse calls my name. "David Mark?" It never fails I say to myself. I simply smile and she quickly corrects herself "Oh sorry. Mark David ... Two first names, you must always get that." "Yup" as I smile and walk behind her. So as I walk into this large room, I was expected the usual dentist chair. But it was an actually surgery bed. I really didn't take this extraction to be surgery. But I guess with the freezing and scalpel and drill it was going to be a good old fashion surgery. I didn't feel nervous. The several needle shots to the lower gums didn't hurt till the last one. I guess the doctor hit a nerve and the pain shot from the gum right through my tongue and it hurt like someone putting a needle straight through my tongue. They left me for 20 mins to let the freezing do it's thing. At first I was worried that it wasn't enough. I could still feel my face. But I spoke to soon. It felt like my lower lip was SUPER UBER fat, my tongue had occupied my whole mouth and at first I had trouble swallowing the pool of saliva that was forming. I thought to myself that "I could die here on this bed from my own saliva and I wouldn't be able to call out for help".

The doctor told me to relax as he arrived with the nurse. He spoke to me asking me questions. But I had these instruments jammed in my mouth. How was I to answer? I hate that.

And the extraction began...

The right one was no problem. A drill here. A drill there. A tug and it was out. The left one was the big problem. It just didn't want to come out. My whole surgery was all because of the left one. 5 minutes for the right one and 30 minutes for the left one. But it was done. Both teeth were extracted and my mouth was a bloody mess. I couldn't even feel the blood on my lips or around the mouth. The nurse had to wipe it for me.

And now at present. I look like Marlon Brando in the Godfather. I use to look like Chadder the chipmunk. But now because of the 30 min onslaught on my left side. I am totally swollen around the jawline. The right side has evidence of swelling but nothing compared to the left side. I don't look symmetrical at all.

As for my weekend. I will spend it hidden in my basement. Playing The godfather on my PS2. Watching movies upon movies. And managing my pain with Lenoltec #3 with Codine, Ibuprofen and novo pen vk.

In other mindless news...

I've been away lately from blogger. But I'm back. I've notice another one of my friends have joined the blogger community. Welcome Deeds, still don't know if you read this. Tim I notice you commented this on your most recent blog. I wonder if you will be making the jump.

I've been posting most of my blogs. On my notes in facebook. But I'm back folks.

Two of Four years done

2007-04-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

Listening to John Mayer the Village Sessions - In repair

Today was the last of my exams. I had a total onslaught of 2 exams. I wasn't pressed or stressed to do them. So I'm not bragging, cause I can relate with those with exam after exam to study for. So for those students still putting in the effort. Keep on truckin.

But I think it's best with me only having 2 exams and the way the semester has gone for me. Lately you can catch me staring into oblivion. But my mind is secured closely to earth. Im in a bit of tailspin and my mind goes from one agenda of life to the next. My heart is pressed up against my chest and knocking firmly reminding me to take in some air.

I've got lots going on. I'm going out to Vancouver to see my Dad. YC is coming up fast. And what to do with the summer? It's all in the air. With choices to make and money to save.

Canucks are into the 2nd round. But it's going to be some hard work and goals from the Sedins and Naslund to win this one. Or it's golfing season with the Flames.

Peace ya'll and say a quick prayer for me when you have the chance and dido for those who need a prayer as well. Let me know.

MD

Keep pushing boys, GO CANUCKS GO!

2007-04-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Goodnight till morning dawn

2007-04-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

April showers shower snow not rain. But in the slow moving fall of the snow, it feels like rain. So wet to my feet, it feels like traces of back home. The sun shines a little longer at night, giving a good glimpse of what tomorrow could bring. But as the bright light burns out, I am looking for a spark once again. I breathe, my heart grows faint. I breathe again and my heart pumps once more.

Along the way, I've made memorials of the things I have lost along the way. Put to bed what is no longer near or far. But only a distant memory far and in between the recesses of my heart, soul and mind. I say wave goodbye to sour memories and even to memories that seized the day. Only wishing to find and create such moments as those again one day. I miss the late nights, the laughter in between what was suppose to be serious a moment. Right now I am contemplating resting for awhile in deep slumber. But lately my dreams of once great escape has been invaded by the past and its long awaited arrival is here.

So as the shadow proves the Son shine. I will walk a narrow and straight path. Looking in silence, waiting under the wing I call saviour. Because I know somewhere answers will be answered and trials will have (soul)utions. So again I end with lyrics that have truly made my mouth speak what my heart couldnt say at the start.

I can't keep losing sleep over this. No I can't and now I cannot stop pacing. Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out. If my mind would just stop racing. This is over my head But underneath my feet. Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat. And everything will be back to the way that it was. I wish that it was just that easy. Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in. Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again. I don't want to run away from this I know that I just don't need this. (Lifehouse)

I blog cause I can ...

2007-04-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

**Warning: This blog will probably be useless**

Monday (Everybodys favorite day)
Thanks to all those who commented on my last blog. I got four in one blog. I guess people are reading this. Props to Tim for responding back to my anonymous comment/reader. Tim you pretty much explained what I was thinking. I thank my anonymous reader for challenging me to think about what I had written down. But I guess I was more or less writing this for readers with essentially the same views and faith I have. But to my dismay I forget that my blogs are publish on that site we all call facebook. And hey! We all know that we aren't all networked the same. Props and kudos to all of you who had responded.

Just add Sobeys ...
Lately I've been feeling the heat at work. Not cause I've been slacking off. But cause I feel like I have to live up to expectations of a manager. My boss puts so much on me and I just don't know how to deal. I do the same work as a assistant minus the ordering of stock and the expectations are still there to do well and to over exceed. My boss has given me Assistant manger shifts to do some odd jobs that require me to be there an hour earlier. 6am WAH WAH! But that means I get up at 4:30 instead of 5:30. WAH WAH again. But hey sleep is sleep. He's offered me the position, but he says I have to quit school. My quick response to that was "Did you just hear yourself say that". Quit my education so I can lift and sell produce for the rest of my life. No thank you. At time I love my job and other times I wish I could just throw down my apron and walk out the front door. But I take a breath... count to 10 and tell myself that I am only passing through.

Currently reading:

Four loves by C.S. Lewis
Chapter 14 of John
June 2005 Issue of TRANSWORLD:SURF "Kelly Slater's all time Session"

Nhl Playoffs: The Canucks as of today are leading the series 2-1. They need to find the O in the fence. Hit even harder. A get better starts. AV keep the twins and the Naslund together (PLEASE). As for my favorite Flamers to hate. They are behind in the 0-2 against the Wings. I've watched the games and they don't look like the team I had imagined when I said back in March and I quote, "They may not win on the road, but this team is built for the playoffs." Ahh well throw out that theory. If they don't win this next game at HOME. They are done, like Oil.

Currently spinning:

Ride - Cary Brothers
The way I are - Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E
Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser
Devotion - Hillsongs United
Give it to me - Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland & JT
Dig this vibe - DJ Krush
Let the love in - Goo Goo Dolls
Everything - Michael Buble

Okay thats it.. I know I have more spinning... But I'll blog later cause I can.

The Renaissance in Resurrection

2007-04-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

While looking through the networks of friends I have on facebook, I came upon one of my friends status that said "Celebrating Zombie Jesus Weekend". Sometimes as believers in Christ we just need to laugh and I did. It was quite humorous....

A theme that has chased me around for the last few weeks has been perseverance. How do I get through what I am currently facing without succumbing to the pressure? How does my hope/faith in Christ become application in my existence here in on earth? How do I walk on water, without getting my feet wet? I still bust out the Rocky Quote about rainbows and sunshine...

I look to the Cross. I'm reminded today on Easter Sunday that it is very important to know that if Christ was not raised from the dead. All is for not. Christ died to pay the price that mankind could not repay God. The debt was far to large of amount that exceeded the riches of the world. I once heard Tony Campolo talk about the worst person to ever walk on the face of the earth? He asked the audience, some said Hitler, Ferdinand Marcos, Kim II Sung and the list went on. Campolo response to all of those answers were no. His response and answer to his question shocked me. Jesus. At that moment when Christ was crucified at the cross. Jesus was like a sponge that absorbed all evil and took upon himself all of mankind's sin past, present and future sins to satisfy Gods wrath. But on the third day Christ rose again and conquered death and gave way for man to have a relationship with God, a abundant and full life and hope that creates a rebirth, a renaissance in every man, woman and child.

God has opened a door for everyone to come and experience this renaissance (a renewal of life, vigor, interest, etc.; rebirth; revival: a moral renaissance) that comes through the resurrection in Christ. You may be reading this and thinking how improbable this may sound. Or how you have no need for a man hung on a cross. How can so many people be so wrong? How can they continue on, when life seems to never give them any breaks? Why do they keep looking to the cross for hope?

Romans 8:26-39 OUR VICTORY IN CHRIST
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

My faith and hope in Christ allows me to hope and hope with a purpose. To understand that Christ has empowered me to live a life that is fruitful. A life abundant in what I have and what I have to come. Although life may not always be "rainbows and sunshine" life will continue to move on with or without me. So I place my hope in Christ love that can never be taken from me. I cannot be seperated by the one who is for me. We shouldn't ask how or why? But open our hearts to whats God has said and will do if we trust him. Christ is the image of the invisible God (James1:15). My Renaissance starts now and it starts in Him. Jesus.

It's snowing, but I feel Purple Rain

2007-04-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Weather widget says it's -6. Tomorrow we are suppose to have a high of -2 and a low of -9. Spring get here soon.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby I could never steal you from another
Its such a shame our friendship had to end

(Purple Rain - Prince)

A battle wages on. A war rages on and continues to lay siege within. I hope things are okay on that side of the moon. Theres nothing left we have in common, but the sky that blankets us both. So as I travel and continue to move forward. Remember I haven't forgotten you, unless it's because of choosen to.

Having fun in the Mud

2007-03-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

I've always looked at playing in the mud as something you do as a child. As an adult playing in the mud seems like a whole lot of cleaning and nonsense. But kids do it all the time and parents at times let their little ones do so. In my case, our spring ministry team from ABC went out to Clyde, AB to spend 5 days having fun in the mud.

As I sit back and reflect back on my trip with the team (Jordan K, Aaron P, Corwin F, Linda S & Leah M.) The feeling I have right now is probably as close I will get till I become a father. I am so very proud and astatic of what a wonderful job they did there in Clyde. All praise goes to God for the tangible rewards and the intangible rewards that came along the way in 5 days we spent there. They got dirty, they welcome the stretches in their comfort zones and persevered when pushed. As the leader they made my job easy to do. I am so very proud to have lead a team that grew, sought out God in challenging times and modeled Christ attitude. God took a good mix of personalities and pushed and pulled to make them united. I give all credit to God for this trip and experience and I know that each individual will come out of it as a better person for it.

Something I will always remember because of the trip & Aaron Patton:

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"

(Rocky Balboa)

A Canuck Blog

2007-03-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

74 games played, 45 wins, 96 pts, 8 more games to go till the post season...

I can't imagine a better NHL season for my Vancouver Canucks. Fans around the league call Canuck fans dreamers. That we think of the most outlandish trades and pickups and to some extent they are correct. All we have as fans to our credentials is that we went to the cup finals in 94 and lost in game 7 to New york. I was 12 the day the Nucks lost that game. And it's been 13 years since that day. Fast forward 13 years and now the Canucks are in position to birth a playoff spot. In October, sports analyst predicted the Canucks to finish 10th in the west and to miss the playoffs the second time in a row. Newly aquired Roberto Luongo would have to wait another year till he got a taste of the playoffs. At present the Canucks are 6 pts out of top spot in the west and have one of the best team records since Christmas. Canada's hottest team right now and if I heard correctly one of the TSN analyst said that they may have to choose the Canucks as the best Canadian team to have a chance at winning the cup(Post a 2-0 win vs Nashville). But whos kidding who, any team in the playoffs has a decent chance at winning the cup.

All season the Canucks have been riding the coat tails of Bobby Lou(Roberto Luongo). MVP Chants have been cheered at GM PLACE and the NHL Buzz is that Brodeur & Crosby are the other leading canadiates for the Hart trophy. The Sedins have step up and their amazing puck posession play has dazzled spectators. Surprisingly even if Captain Markus Naslund has been a dismal impact. His leadership in the room and integrity to keep morale up probably rubs off other players.

As the Canucks countdown and play the rest of the remaining games. This Canuck fan stranded on a island in the C of Red is just excited to how deep into the playoffs they can go. It's been awhile since Canucks fans can really rally around a goaltender since Kirk Mclean.

Am I a dreamer? Yes.

Suffering for my passion

2007-03-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

pas•sion noun

1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling
2. (Theology) the sufferings of Christ on the cross or

His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper.

Lately I've been reflecting. I've been doing some soul searching. What prompted this? I don't know. But I've been asking myself this one question, "Why am I at Bible College?" Why am I doing this? What is it that drives me everyday? What makes me believe this is what I am to do? 2 years from now I am suppose to graduate with a bachelors of Theology, God willing. From there on I begin in some sort of ministry that calls people into a relationship with God, helps direct peoples lives according to Gods word and even teach and preach his word.

Now I'm not counting my eggs before they hit the basket. But that seems like that's the plan. Is it my passion? Do I feel compelled emotionally, mentally and physically passionate about Gods plan for me and for those who surround me?

You just can't fake being a Pastor, minister, ministry leader. There' s no way around it. Your life will be examined, pulled, shredded from top to bottom. You've got to live a life that is set apart, standing in the gap when people need help, direction, comfort, to rejoice and to mourn with as well. Your heart must be soft, but strong to take on criticism. An attitude of a servant, humble and quick not to respond. God calls all his children to go against what sin has marred, but how much more for a leader in his church?

Can I endure such a calling?

I know this much, my passion to see lives transformed through Gods grace. Especially the lives of teens and young adults is something I cannot put into words. It is overwhelming to witness a person who was onced a closed universe from God... open their heart, trust and faith come crashing into their lives and opens a whole new universe/life ready to be discovered with Christ. It is simply amazing ... Can my passion simply be enough to fullfill my calling?

Christ passion was to suffer for all and endure what was before Him. All that I am to suffer for my passion relies on the strength of Christ. Take your passion before Him. According to His will and make it complete within his grip of grace.

I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus Christ has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. Acts 20:24

#9570 Route 58 Rocky Ridge

2007-03-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

Today was the first time in about a year that I've taken the Calgary Transit. I don't know if this is the first of many times. But I'm as content as I will ever be. After work I headed out to the bus stop that sits right in front of the Sobeys sign. It wasn't the best day for bus riding. But beggers can't be choosers. I stood close to the bus shelther. Shielding me from the wind that probably made it -10. The poster that was enclosed on the shelther made me laugh. And all I could do was laugh. It was an advertisement for the kidney foundation. A big yellow sign asking you to donate your car to the foundation. Was it a kick in the pants? Maybe. But I decided to just laugh it up and laugh in light of my transporation situation.

Life is like a box of chocolate... You never know what you're gonna get. Lately life keeps throwing me into a tailspin. Trying to adjust and steer back onto the straight and narrow. Riding the bus is just one of them. And you might think how shallow that might be. And maybe this is quite a shallow situation I am in and you might say that I just need to suck it up. Which I am doing. But regardless of how small or how big your life situations be. Remember your creator.

Facebook
I don't if I've blog about facebook or not and I'm too lazy to go down memory lane. But I just love how facebook can keep track of your comments, blogs(notes), status etc. I know you can limit all of this through your privacy settings ... but wheres the fun in that? All my friends, college mates and facebook fans have taken a liking(addiction) to this new internet community. Love it or hate it. I do both.

NHL Northwest Division: More ups and downs than a see saw.
As of right now the Canucks(My beloved) are atop of the Northwest. The Wild follow by one point and The Flames are 8 back. The surging Avs are 4 back of the slumping Flames. And the Oilers are just waiting for next season. My comments will be limited, due to what could happen and where the chips may fall. But here are my one liner what ifs:

What if the Avs catch the Flames?
What if the Flames miss the playoffs?
What if the Avs make a run for the cup?
What if this slump is what the Flames need to wake up?
What if the Canucks win the division? (my two cents the were predicted to miss the playoffs)

Other NHL News: Jordan Tootoo Gets 5 Game

I really dislike this guy and that punch on Robidas was brutal. In light of all the violence Hockey has produce. Do their brains turn into mush when they hit the ice?

When it rains it pours

2007-03-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

I could be wrong, I could be ready

But if I take my heart's advice

I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair - John Mayer

I've lost my inspiration. Just like water turned to vapor, my words depart from my mouth. The western sun shines bright, clouds part and again the snow begins to melt. I should take a walk. Take in the fresh air and look down the path to better days. But as the rain pours, you can only see the cluster of water that collects at your window, you feel the soaked socks on the tip of your toes and you begin to smell the damp air that lingers like a ghost you can't seem to let go. The tiny hairs down the side of my forearm begin to stand tall as the cold draft of this March night takes its place. I can't believe its midnight, it came too fast.

So as the rain continues to pour I will continue to pray. Because if there is something I've learned from the Pacific Sun is that "It can't rain all the time".

The future looks bright

2007-03-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

The Vancouver Canucks are having a "Ultimate Canuck" fan contest. You can submit videos, photos to prove that you are a the "Ultimate Canuck". This makes me happy and shes so cute.

I'm in a Damien Rice kinda mood

2007-03-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

I posted a blog earlier but decided I was unhappy with the post. I've got my emo playlist playing off of my itunes. Damien Rice - 9 Crimes. I just found out that Damien Rice will be visiting Vancouver, BC in April. I'm pretty chap about that one. I really wanna see him live and Lisa Hannigan.

I've posted on my facebook status that I've been pondering to sleep for a 100 years. I am so tired. I hope to recover soon from the weekend. But I don't know when I will get the chance to just sit and rest. Emerge[07] Amazing Race: Wisdom Edition was an overall success. The open house at school has come and gone, but the impact of the students I will never know. I will never the little stories, but I know that God really put us through an experience I will not forget. But I do know that from the weekend I got a lot of encouragement out of it. God really spoke to me and it's been awhile. I've been refreshed and lifted. Be thou my vision ... in the midst of struggle, joy, rejoicing, saddness, brokeness ... be thou my vision. I've got a lot of room in my heart and I want to fill it with what God has for me. I want that love to be overflowing and used to invest in others. Although I've got cracks and heartache, I know that I can still be used and I can be an impact to those who surround me.

I am grateful
... and blessed to have supporting friends. I don't know what I would do without them. I am simply grateful.

What's next?
AFHL playoffs are next month, YC: Edmonton, Clyde, Wide Awake

thoughts cross my mind

so I simply breath a prayer

that you don't lose your way

Some more picks ups: Canuck news

2007-02-26T17:58:00.001-08:00

Calgary made there moves and acquired Brad Stuart, Craig Conroy, Wayne Primeau. As soon as Cow-town heard that Conroy was back, it just didn't stop. Conroy this and conroy that... I have to say the Flames look better on paper. But hey Conroy & Co. haven't made that road record any better.

Why do I bring this up... Well I'm not coming here to brag about the new picks ups that the Canucks traded today, but comment on how Dave Nonis traded away some picks and not our future. Bryan Smolinski (14g- 23a - 37pts +10) 2 way center, Brent Sopel (4g- 19a- 23pts +2) Great point shot, top 4 dman. What did we give up: 2007 Conditional Pick for Smoke & Cond. 2nd rounder 2008 and a 4th rounder. Yah those picks could of been future picks, but Nonis didn't give away any future prospects ie. Boudon or Scheinder. But we got some great team players and Smoke will help Naslund pot more goals and will be great experience guy come playoff time and Sopes will give us a huge body and great point shot on the PP. I'm not crying out loud STANLEY CUP, but I am saying that Nonis did a great job not giving away too much like other GMS did over the last week.

Personally I'm really excited to see both these guys in Canuck colors and see the NUCKS continue to work hard to keep that pts lead on those crazy Wild, and very dangerous Flames (at home/prove me wrong lames fans).

Something I just heard on TEAM 1040: Jovonoski is out for the rest of the season, Cloutier has been out and will stay out, Bertuzzi is skating now but hasn't played much for the Panthers and looks to get traded out... Plus Crawford hasn't done much in LA..

Looks like the goalie graveyard curse is gone and the another curse has began...

The Devil Wears Prada

2007-02-25T16:58:00.000-08:00

It's sad to see friends build bridges only to burn them. You try to reach out. But in the end, they never thought that help was a two way street. It's always good to reach for the sky. Let your passions and ambition bring out the full potential of you. Let no one ever tell you no or that you can't. But when that ambition gets in the way of the most important things in life; the intangibles, like family, friends, faith, and love. Your gonna be left out looking in on what could of been. The most important thing you tried to build without knowing you already had it all to begin with. So as you travel this road we call life. I hope you don't miss the next opportunity that comes on by. If at least you fail your friends, family and love. Keep faith at the bedside. Because heavenly bridges can't be burned or taken down, by human hands they are always there to bring you home. You could of been, you can still be, don't stray from the straight and narrow, just come on home ... so you could see. My friends life never seems to be the way we would paint it to be. It's like the wind, it blows high and it blows low. Sometimes fast and sometimes slow. Just enjoy the ride for as long as it goes.

Some pick ups

2007-02-23T17:53:00.000-08:00

30 Seconds to Mars: A beautiful lie ...
If I'm correct this is the 2nd Album that 30 seconds to Mars has released. If not, I am sorry. When these guys toured for the first time, they opened for Incubus. This was one summer down in Vancouver. I remember the MC announcing these guys and as soon as they started playing I was like "WHOA, that's Jared Leto ... (1 song later), why am I here again? Oh yeah I'm here waiting for Incubus." I really like this Album, I'm assuming they made adjustments to their music. I would describe this album as clean cut with a kick. I'm enjoying blowing my ear drums off to this in my car.

Dustin Kensrue: Please come home ...
This was my pick up of the week. I didn't even know what this CD package contained. But the guy at the counter raved about it. If you like Ryan Adams, Folk/Rock/Country/Gospel connotations ... or if you just like GOOD MUSIC I would recommend this Album. I'm already waiting for the sophomore album.

Incubus: Light Grenades ...
I've been contemplating buying this cd. But today was the week I bought it. Haven't really listen to it yet. Enjoy Incubus.

So long & Goodbye: Fours years

2007-02-22T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's only fitting that I should let Death Cab play in the backround while I write this blog. My four year relationship with Thursday is finally over. I didn't see it coming, but then again we all saw it coming. The gang from Orange County has seen it's last sun set, said goodbye to the nupsies and bowed out with a satisfying ending that was quite predictable. I have had to say goodbye to Friends before on thursday nights, and tonight was no diffrent. Seth, Summer, Ryan, Sandy, Kiki, Julie and even Marissa (again) have said So long and goodbye to what was a great start and lackluster finish. Too bad my hope for an ending where Marissa wakes up from a dream and really isn't dead would of been far grander than the ending that transpired. But I'm sure it was an ending to satisfy those who needed closure to a premature series finale. So goodbye, thanks Josh Schwartz for introducing us to Chrismukkah, Capt Oats, Death Cab, Nupsies and Taylor Townsend. It was great while it lasted ... I'll see yah via DVD.

Tonight before the big finale, The Whalers pull off another 2W-1L night. We faced teams that were above us in the standings. We shut out the mighty offensive Penguins and The Flames. We lost a tough battle versus the Sabres. But the team got a huge boost of confidence and are ready to take on next week schedule. William Proudfoot had a huge offensive night, while his brother Jeff Proudfoot recorded 2 shut out games.

NHL News:
NUCKS WIN(76), OIL WIN(64), FLAMES LOSE in OT(71),WILD WIN (73), AVS LOSE (62).

Alberta Bible College is hosting EMERGE 07: Amazing Race Wisdom Edition. Yours truly is hosting with Co-Host David Berard.

Trade Deadline Looms ahead

2007-02-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

Okay so I'm too tired to write out a somewhat a coherent blog. So I'll just post my thoughts on tonights Hockey Happenings.

Northwest Division. Vancouver 74, Minnesota 71, Calgary 70, Colorado 62, Edmonton 62.

My boy Juice (Bieska) Faces Bertuzzi Twin Keith Carney
CANUCKS WIN: 3-2 OT: OH DANNY BOY! This morning I knew my Canucks were going into Anaheim on a four game winning streak. I should be confident. But the DUCKS are mighty even if they've taken the Mighty out of their name. To make things feel a little weary Coach AV puts in our back up: Sabourin. The guy hasn't won at this level yet. He came close in Buffalo; another TOP NHL Team. But they pulled if off and are in a good postion to continue to seperate themselves from the rest of the tight NW division. Keep it up boys. I have to be honest, I never thought the division title is something I would be talking about with the NUCKS.

Poor Flames: 4-3 losss to the Avs. At home the Flames are SUPERHUMAN, when they go on the road... They pack their gear and a little kryptonite along too. I've watched the Flames on TV a lot this year. And when the play at home it is amazing how dominating they can be. The crowd is like a 7th man on the ice. But unfortunately on the road they can't take all their LAMES FANS with them. I'm sure they will rebound and Kipper will shut out the next team they play. But hey ... come playoff time. Know that you have to play at least 2 games away from home. I still believe the Flames are the team to beat this year in the division, "but you got to win on the road man."

The E in E-town stands for: Evacuate. The Oilers 4-3 (SO loss) It might be to early to say this, but how many more times will Hemsky have a chance to shoot but opts to pass before the golf season starts? I'm predicting that the OIL are going to miss the playoffs. The only thing I could see happening from here on in is this "not so maybe smart idea" by Sportsnet Color Commentator John Garrett. Trade Ryan Smyth for future prospect. Highend prospect and trade him to a cup contender. At least Ryan "garbage goal" Smyth has a chance to helps his team bring in new talent for next season and have a chance to engrave his name in the cup. Come July 1st, sign back with the Oil and comeback to the city he loves. Sorry Oil fans, thanks for warming the Nucks playoff seat. It's time to move on ... M.Comrie Shoot Out Winner must of stung!?!?!

Minny & Avs: The Wild are dangerous and the Avs should trade Sakic to the Nucks (I wish and still dreaming).

Night Ya'll

Fourty One Ten: It's time

2007-02-13T22:58:00.000-08:00

Corinne Bailey Rae sings "Like a star", my weather widget is frozen over and tells me that Calgary is at -23. 12:02am on a early Valentines Morning. "I should be in bed" my body tells me. But my heart tells me to write. So I write hoping this will transpire to something more and keep you till the end of my rambling.

Isaiah 41:10:

Do not fear; for I AM with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I AM your GOD. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

There comes a time in every person life, whether we know it or not. A chapter ends and a new one begins. For me, a chapter has finished and it's on to a new chapter. I don't read books very often and I'm sure the profs at school would like it if we read our text books on time. But this book of mine is my life. As of now I realize that in my life a new chapter is about to be written.

Chapter 25 to 26: It's time, it's time for growth(again).

Like little children we fall in and out of obedience. We go one way when we should be going the other way. We should be eating our green vegtables and sleeping early so we can take on the day and not be so cranky. As Christians, we should never stop growing or not allow growth to happen. It's something to grow, but to recgonize that it's time to grow again is something else. I realize that I don't need to be alone in my time of growth and I don't have look anxiously around me for the future to come and service my needs. In time it will all come. In trust I will be better for it. In faith, I can do all things. In love, covers all and reaches all. In Christ, limits fade, transgressions are wiped clean, and victory is just around the corner.

But right now: It's time ... it's time for bed.

Superbowl sunday: Colts win, I take a nap.

2007-02-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

I caught the beginning of the 2nd quarter and fell in and out of sleep. I awoke to an awesome performance by The Artist formerly known as Prince. It was really awesome, I was thoroughly impressed. It was raining in Miami and only made sense when he started singing "Purple Rain". The stage lit up with purple lights and the crowd really rocked out with Prince. After the show I surfed the tube for a bit and landed back on the Superbowl only to fall asleep and nap the rest of the way.

Vancouver Canuck vs. Calgary Flames: 4-3 Flames. My brother and I went to the game last night. I was pretty excited to be watching my beloved Canucks take on rival Calgary. I've only been twice but it's weird to be surrounded by a "C of Red". I've enjoyed a lot of games at GM Place and it's just not the same. Our seats were amazing. For 40 dollars we were behind one of the nets. I got to see Roberto Luongo save 38 shots. The Sedins work their magic and my boys got OUTWORKED!! The Flames wanted this game so much more. And they do deserve the win (but I have this bitter taste in my mouth as I utter those words). The Flames fans were pretty subdued when they saw my brother and I wearing the white and blue walking into to the Saddledome. As I passed other fellow Canuckle heads, we would give a reserved "Yah!" and a pleasant High five. It's always good to know you are not alone. But the Canucks fans held their heads up high even after the game. We didn't get many jeers after either, A couple "Vancouver SUCKS!" from Flames fans from in their cars as we walked to my car. But other than that it was a great game to be at.

Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus

Good enough for me

Got to be a chocolate Jesus

Good enough for me

Well it's got to be a Chocolate Jesus

Make me feel good inside

Got to be a chocolate Jesus

Keep me satisfied

- Tom Waite & Kathleen Brennan

I'm reading Radical Hospitality by Father Daniel Homan and Lonni Collins Pratt. They talked about having a Jesus that helps comfort and soothes the soul. That we want a Jesus that makes us feel good about ourselves and helps make grey skies blue again. Tiny Fey said it best, "I'm eating my feelings in the lunch room". I know for some people Chocolate is the right food/junk to help comfort whatever we might be feeling. It helps satisfies the moment. We want Jesus to do the same. For me, Jesus has been nothing but dissatisfying. I'm never satisfied with whats going on in my life. I walk/run this way and he needs me to go further. I start small talk with people I would rarely would call company and He makes me have lunch with them. I take a path that is less travelled and quite narrow, that I have to hold my breath just to pass through the labyrinths of life. Jesus isn't asking me to be satisfied. He makes me feel uncomfortable about the way I live my life. He puts me in positons that I dare not to choose. But he does. Jesus crashed the party and flipped the world upside down. We go through seasons (as a Christian I've used this term to define times in life), at present I am going through a season of removal and replacement. What are my priorities? What is important to me and how do I reflect who I worship? I've had to make a few choices in my life and stay on course. I am continuing to do ponder some choices still left to be decided. I am also waiting to see what transpires out of being patient for this one part of my life. Christ has made me uncomfortable. He has made me to be unsatisfied with what I am doing right now. He is pushing me to go further and some people will quit when pushing comes into play. But I'm going to try and go further, go deeper and hopefully be refined by this. I'm glad that Jesus isn't my "Chocolate Jesus", but He is more than just a warm blanket on a cold Calgary day. Although it is a struggle to go up river without a paddle, it is a challenge. It's tough, it's hard, but there is no other way.

Say Goodnight Mark ... Goodnight Mark

2007-01-30T23:09:00.000-08:00

Well I should be in bed right now. I had late dinner. My team the Whalers won 2 out of 3 games. I added another helper to my stats. Soaked in my epsom salt bath. The jury is still out on the whole cure the soreness deal.

I've got David Crowder playing in the backround. My all time favorite. I guess when you've exhausted all avenues to take your mind off things. I come running back to Him. I feel like dirt. I treat the God of my so called life sometimes like a forgettable after thought. (Does that make sense? Probably not) There are so many things going on right now. So many things I can list off and I wonder where I will have the time to do it all. Time fly so fast, we don't even have time to hold on to the handle bars that are in front of us.

But I won't go into self pity mode. Or give the emo kid in me to come out. I'm gonna come out fighting:

Till the roof comes off,

till the lights go out

Till my legs give out, cant shut my mouth.

Im a rip this thing(edited) till my bones collapse.

-Eminem

Some one liners -

Facebook.com (my new myspace) thanks Dave
Warcraft III, ahh man I get so sucked in. NERD ALERT
AFHL Hockey WHALERS 3W-3L .500 hockey boys, lets keep going!
Produce Assitant Manger at SOBEY's? to be cont->
300 the movie, bought the graphic ... novel loved it
NUCKS vs FLAMES Saturday, it's gonna be scary, prides are gonna be hurt, bragging rights are on the line.

Somewhere In Between

2007-01-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend my friend Jose and his wife dropped by for a visit from Vancouver. They are on there way to Edmonton for a BCBC(British Columbia Baptist Conference) meeting(s). It was good to see some old friends. Things have changed, Des is carrying a baby bump these days. If I'm correct she said it's been six months now. 3 more to go. We had dinner and ended up watching The Protector. Tony Jaa has some amazing Muy Thai martial art skills. But He has to get some new writers cause it was just like Ong Bak all over again (his first North American release), just diffrent stunt guys he had to beat up this time 'round. But the elephants were really cool.

Tonight I watched Cars, I liked it. I'm not a big animation guy or NASCAR junkie. Overall it was quite entertaining and I would have to say it is up there with my top 3 of Disney movies: Hercules, Lion King, Finding Nemo.

Our Hockey league resumes this week and again I'm getting the itch again. 3 days of work, 1 full full day of school and it's HOCKEY TIME! I keep looking at my sticks in my room and tell them "I can't wait". Oh yes I talk to my hockey sticks.

Blog? News? Current Events? Personal Journal? Photo Blog? Emo Writings? I really don't want to use this blog space to get emo-open with the world wide web. I'm really trying hard not to. But it seems it's the only place where I can reflect on my thoughts. And putting it out in public helps me really think hard about what I'm trying to say. The thought that comes through my mind all the time as I visit my blogger space is that it's a place for attention. I don't seek it and I don't think my site creates enough traffic to get it. I don't want it. In my Building Community class, we touched on it a little bit in class. I think some of the comments were, "its a place to get attention without being in community". "You can express your thoughts to a variety of people, to get a random response for attention".

I realize that I like to be the center of attention at times. Being on blogger gives me anonymity to random people on the internet, but also a free forum to those who may know me and get to see the otherside of me through this blog. I could easily start writing a journal and keep it by the bedside table. BUT I guess I crave to share my thoughts, which is simply that. And somewhere in between, I express my EMO-OPEN side.

Lately I've been stuck. Because I'm trying to figure out the good in Goodbye. Rediscovering what it's like to enjoy each day. And how tobemarked can get his groove back. I'm doing my best, but somedays it all comes pouring in and then some. Johnny Cash reminds me, "I hurt myself today, just to see if I still feel". I was reading Oswald Chambers My Utmost for his Highest. It had something to do with protecting our worship. It got me thinking of all the things that suck us dry from being worshippers of God. Q. Why would we want to worship anything? We worship all the time ... and it could be anything; music, people, money, lust, HOCKEY!!!! But I realize that the only thing that is worth worshipping is God. Why? It is the only thing that give us pure joy. It fills us and brings peace and fullfillment. Wholeness!?! (is that a word?)

But lately I haven't been protecting my worship. People, the world etc. have been sucking me dry. And I've been emptied out. I haven't been protecting my worship. I'm doing my best and I'm trying to put my thoughts through the Jesus filter and the promises he has promised to his people. APPLICATION x10, I need to keep going ... I'm just Somewhere In Between

Somewhere In Between

I can't keep Losing sleep over this

No I can't And now I cannot stop pacing

Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still

I can't be this unsturdy

This cannot be happening
This is over my head But underneath my feet

Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again

I don't want to run away from this

I know that I just don't need this
Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Been waiting for tomoroow

I'm somewhere in between

- Lifehouse

Delicate: The Human heart

2007-01-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

My blog tonight will probably make no sense and I might even be guilty for a little attention. But there's only one thing that usually gets me through heart issues ... and that's by writing.

Today this morning I took the advice of a Shepard and lay it all out. I decided to choose to let the Shepard lead the way; mind, body(heart) and soul. It's something that has helped me dictate the way my day should go. Leave what was in the past behind and look to the new horizon before me. It's been one year to this day and up until this point you have been a ghost. I've been praying that you're okay. That things are going well and just maybe you might miss me just like I've missed you. I got my answer tonight. You called, you left your message. I was surprised and now I'm in a tailspin. But tomorrow I'm going to wake. Watch the shadow of the Shepard and follow and decide to choose to win my heart back in your hands.

My heart is delicate, made just like everyone else's. My heart just has a few more weathered cracks than everyone else's.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding ...

2007-01-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

Click here
The New Ipod Phone doesn't come out till June 2007. It's touch controls, Internet communications, picture storage and of course its Ipod music capabilities. I heard that it's gonna cost about $499.00 US. I figure thats a resonable price to pay. Why? Well I recently joinned the rest of the Ipod world this Christmas, when I added the iPOD shuffle to my life. It cost me around $89. My phone I bought last summer cost me $120, plus what ever I put on my phone due to the fact that I am on a pay as you go plan. A laptop computer, which I don't yet, can carry media from tv shows, movies, pictures etc. Which can also be carried on the new iPhone. I concluded that this small and impressive device can do all the thing we want while not stuffing our pockets full of gizmos. It's been downsized into this small device for $500 smackers. I figure I carry my cell phone around, my shuffle around and keys and wallet all in pockets ... why not just have it all on one device? I know we already have cell phones out there that have mp3 players on them. But the new iPhone takes the prize.

iPhone on Nightline

Other news ... Season 6 of 24 aired last night. I was pretty excited about the new season that I passed out during the second hour of the season premiere. I've watched every season except for season five. I heard it was the best season, but I never got a chance to watch it, rent it or download it. I wasn't even going to bother. But what are you going to do on a Sunday night? I just have one question ... "How many times can a man have the opportunity to sacrifice his life for his country?" Jack Bauer is all that is man.

I bought the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller. The movie comes out 03.09.07, its quite intresting and it cost me more than I thought. But it was worth reading before watching the movie. I can't wait to see the cinematography... if you've never seen the trailer check it out here.

One Last thing, does anyone know or use Epson salt for muscle aches? Cause I'm still sore from Floor Hockey.

I want to collide

2007-01-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

I don't know where this will go or how my words will form. I just got back from our floor hockey league and I feel exhausted. So preseason concluded today and the debut of the Whalers was a nice start. We came out flying not use to the new hockey surroundings, the floor was slick, the ball didn't feel the same and our lungs didn't match our excitement. We came out of the night with 2 wins and 1 loss. Jeff played outstanding as the rest of the team are trying to find its chemistry between linemates. The regular season starts next Thursday and the Whalers are going to have a bright future in the AFHL. I scored a Goal in our third game. Not bad, not bad.

First week of the 2nd semester is almost done. Two more classes tommorow and off to the weekend. I'm waiting on Campbell-Stone Church to approve my application for the new Youth Worker postion I applied for. The Canucks loss tonight and my back is killing me.

After dropping the boys off at home, I had a long ride home. The cold air was killer, but I had my window down and the heater was on full blast. I put in the David Crowder B side Cd and listen to "A Beautiful Collision - Bside mix".

So courageous until now

Fumbling and scared

So afraid You'll find me out,

Alone here with my doubt

Here it comes, a beautiful collision

Is happening now.

There seems no end to where You begin and there I am now

You and I collide

Because of where I'm at, because of how I feel ... I just want to collapse. I just want to cave in and submit. I've become so numb that sometimes I feel like a empty shell. But listening to this song (mind you I've heard this song many times over), I realize if I'm going to hit ground zero. I want to collide with the one who created me. Because, I know that when I collide with the Almighty I have no chance to survive this collision. I have no where to hide my feelings, who I am or what my fears are. He knows it all. I'll be found out. I'll shatter, but He can put me back together. I want to collide. I want a Beautiful Collision.

Back to the Grind ...

2007-01-08T17:37:00.000-08:00

It's 6:38pm, it's minus 2 outside and I'm anticipating something, but waiting for nothing. There's things to look forward to like the new floor hockey league the boys and I from ABC have been anticipating. New classes and warmer weather. But because of the way 2006 ended I've had to constantly battle with forgetting the past and moving forward. It's hard to move forward when your life is idling. I really don't like long breaks. Especially when you friends aren't around. Lately I've had thoughts of moving back to Vancouver. At least my friends are there and it's the city I love and know. I could be alonein that city but theres something about being alone in your geographical center. But the reason I left Vancouver was because of change, and more so because I needed to change the enviroment and forget certain things.

The move was good, blessings came and I'm moving on with my life. I'm halfway done my education and living in Calgary will benefit me in the long run. But Last semester brought upon some heartache, hardships and lessons to be learned and improved upon. I feel like I'm back in that situation when I first left Vancouver. I want to leave Calgary. Not really, but I feel like it.

But this time I don't want to just run. I want to face what I'm going through head on. The one person I held up so high and thought couldn't hurt me like I was hurt before has completely fallen off my radar. I wish her all the best, but I know distance and silence will be best to face moving on. School has turned into a bit of a hostile enviroment. Some people aren't returning I hear and some have used the internet to boast hate. I'm sadddend by whats going on and I hope for a better semester.

One last thing... I feel very disoriented in my life. All the things that have gone on in my life have accumulated to this, to this feeling. I'm caught in a storm and hope to whether it soon. We can't ever avoid or never want these things to happen to our lives. We can only hold fast and continue to hope. Hope in the promises of God and stay faithful.

Back to the grind ... looking to better days.

Say Goodbye, Say Hello.

2007-01-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling to write a new blog post for awhile. It's come to this and hopefully I can put something down worth reading or at least to satisfy my need to write.

Say goodbye to 2006 and say hello to 2007. I'm glad that the holidays are over. People have returned to normal. The spirit of Christmas didn't last long and the attitude of the mundane lifestyle is back on. This was the first Christmas where I didn't have to go to any parties, family dinners, beside my immediate family dinner/lunch or do any Christmas orientated activities. I did get my Christmas wish though. The Ipod shuffle that I wanted came a day after boxing day. No real deal, but Christmas money made it possible for me to "Put on some music".

Where is the good in goodbye? There is a lot to say goodbye to as I reflect back on 2006. I completed my first year of college at the age of twenty five. I travelled western Canada for 2 months with 4 others; from Yellowknife, NWT to Lumby, BC. I saw another Northwest Team go to the Stanley Cup finals (I was seriously cheering for the oilers). K-Fed was Fed Ex by Britney (I believe in marriage and for what it stands for, but you knew this marriage was doomed to begin with). I was a Video store Clerk, Cook @ Montana's and now I am back to my Green leaf defender ways again. I witnessed and was a part of my two best friends weddings. Congrats Dale/Deeds & Dru/Cheryl ... Happy Marriage. I can't recall much from my memory fatigue is setting in.

As I look forward to 2007 I am really hoping, HOPING for a refreshing start. I'm not making any resolutions, because those are just promises made to be broken. But I'm gonna continue to be honest about who I am, be real about my feelings, and bite my tongue all at the same time. I'm gonna try. Try is the key there. But I know as I look forward to this new year. I know I will always have my eyes on the rear view mirror. Because for me I can't forget the past. Because the past will help you to make a better future.

I just wanted to share this: Nick Thune on the Tonight Show

2006-12-30T18:17:00.000-08:00

Anonymous said... Part 2

2006-12-26T17:39:00.000-08:00

Anonymous said...

"I see now that comments must be approved by you... afraid of harsh comments being spread. You are a joke."

And so the saga continues and this person seems comfortable to hide behind there anonymity. Comments now have to be approved by me and are sent to my email first. It seems that this person is quite irate at the fact that he or she cannot just spam me with hateful comments. I'll continue to approve your comments regardless of your hateful words. It's more of a joke that you waste your time leaving comments that don't benefit you or me. Try something more resourceful and something I can actually think about. If you are someone I know; I must of done something to you to invoke such comments. And would like to resolve what ever issues you have with me. If you are a complete stranger, you are just wasting your time. I have no need in making new enemies I have never known. It's possible that you might of stumbled on my blog site because of the vastness of the World Wide Web and someone just pissed in your cornflakes the morning you stumbled on my blog during your mundane life. But I highly doubt it. I have my suspicion on who this person is, but in all likelihood I will never find out and comfortable with that. The challenge is still on my Anonymous friend. Reveal yourself and come to grips you have some serious issues with me. If not, the owness is on you. I will continue to live my life and blog the way I feel because of who I am.

On the lighter side of life: (some one liners)

World Juniors "Go Canada Go!"
Christmas is over: YAHOO!
2007 - A new year, a new chapter to write
Market Mall on Boxing Day - Cars parked all over the place

Let me know when Christmas is over

2006-12-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

Before I go to bed I thought I might post some random thoughts. My winamp playlist is spinning the most non Christmas themed music. I've got nothing hung up near my room or in my room to remind me of Christmas and up until Tuesday I've avoided with succession the mall. But after a meeting with the Dyron at the local Starbucks at Glenmore landing. I decided that a quick visit to the mall might be a good way to kill sometime before I had to go and do some emerge stuff at school. BAD IDEA! If I couldn't be label more of a Grinch then I am already. I've decided at around 1pm on a sunny Tuesday afternoon that I officially hate Christmas. It is official people I completely and utterly hate Christmas. Yes I know hate is a harsh word. But I've got to use the word. I usually hate using the word hate, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. (Yew... I've used it twice in one sentence) But there is no way to describe how I feel more than that.

I walked around the mall hitting up the usual shopping destinations. I browse amongst the crowd and did a bit of people watching. I trampled and squished all these fries that covered the food court floor. I chuckled out loud, as I let out a big YUCK sound amongst the lineup in front of the A&W lineup. But I realize amidst all the people, the shopping and the fake facade of the holiday spirit that will last up until midnight of December 25th. Because you know as soon as boxing day hits, people will forget the politeness of the spirit of Christmas and spew F U's, because they thought they owned that freaking parking spot at Market Mall. I am sick of the material part of Christmas, the "you have to be happy cause its the happiest time of the year" attitude and what bugs me the most is the question that everyone asks and even I fall victim to it at times just so I can use it during small talk. "So what are you doing for Christmas?" Well let me tell you I'm going to sail the cook islands and then find a remote beach plant my Christmas tree build a fire and spend time with the local unwrapping gifts and singing Christmas songs... I'm going to dinner, get full, spend some time with family and go to bed early so I can work and feed the need to those who need to go grocery shopping on boxing day. (F!!!!)

You can call me bitter. You can call me the GRINCH. You can call me what you want. Maybe an idiot? (I'm still waiting anonymous) Just let me know when Christmas is over... Cause I can't wait to get back to the old grind. There are far better things to look forward to for me. And one of them is not Christmas.

Peace y'all. I hope you all enjoy your Christmas. I will to a extent. See ya in the new year.

Anonymous said...

2006-12-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

I invite all comments to be posted under all my blogs. Blogger gives the option for us bloggers to let those who cannot be identified to post as well. So I decided to open it to the general public. So I get my first comment on my new blog space.

Anonymous said...

you are unbelievable. you put your heart out there in hopes of something to happen, and buddy, guess what... it wont. stop acting like an idiot.

I've been taught never to write or say anything without signing my name or identifying myself. Your words have less respectablity and value when you don't sign your name at the end of your statement or any piece of document.

I respect your comment anonymous, but I consider your words to be cowardice. To call me an idiot, will not affect the way I feel. I open myself and my heart to comments and criticism. Good and Bad. But for you to judge the way I feel is simply a reflection of where you are at. I challenge you to identify yourself and take ownership of your words.

iPod Shuffle: "Put some music on"

2006-12-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

see it here
Can you guest what I want for Christmas? I just saw the new commercial for the new shuffle by mac and I must say I am very impressed. I've done my research and I believe that there are $89 reasons why I should buy one. But if you are reading this and are for some reason feeling generous. I say carpe Diem and go with your feelings. Luke Skywalker did and look at the results.

I've been really contemplating joining the ranks of all the ipod users out there. My brother got one for his birthday. The new Nano. Dave B has one and was going to sell his to me, but wise decisions by me decided to wait. One of my professors, Dr. Gary Lepine got one and so do the Kempers. Stacey's got one, my friend Tim has got a shuffle and at that time, I was given a Sony mp3 player from my boss back in BC as a going away present. But I have no clue where it has gone. I've been surrounded by the mac world and would now like one for myself.

I really like the slogan that they are using to push there item: "Put some music on" They literally mean put it on yourself. 1.62 inches long and half an ounce means you can put it on your lapel, sleeve, belt, wherever the clip will clip on to you. The 1GB shuffle can hold up to 240 songs, which to me is ample amount. I was thinking that I would need the extra storage to hold albums, but who am I kidding, I'm no DJ, but to myself. In the age of LIMEWIRE PRO ... and downloading the new song to top your friends last discovery. You always want to change your play list. So I can live with 240 songs.

But what will those 240 songs be dedicated to. Lately I've been thinking about the "Art of letting go". How do people cope and move on from something that has ended? How do people get through when the sun doesn't shine as bright? How do we grieve and how do we say this is enough? How do you mend broken pieces of the heart? So in the art of letting go, I've decided to look to music. Put some music on. Listen and take the time to mope, sing your heart out when no one is around and let some of the people who have gone through such heart ache teach you a couple things through their lyrics.

(This next paragraph is going to be vague so I don't expect anyone of you readers to even understand)

I want to let go and say goodbye. A part of me has ended and a part of her has too. There are pieces to salvage and possibly hold on to for the future. But who knows but God, when those pieces could be used again if ever. But through music I can grieve, let others sing out what my heart bleeds. And in the midst of this sorrow, I'll find relief through the songs I sing.

Christmas woes & yahoos! Today I ate in the lunch room and I ate my feelings.

2006-12-15T17:49:00.000-08:00

The storm is finally finished and I am in the homestretch of the '06 year. Semester one of Year 2 of my Bachelor of Theology adventure is done. I really don't know how I got through it all. Not one single paper or assignment handed in late. I can't admit that all of the assignments I handed in were given full effort but my grades should reflect how lucky I am or how blessed I am to have such gracious professors.

The Christmas Holiday is finally upon us. Students have treked home for the holidays. Some have left for distant vacations spots like the Dominican Repubic or gone home to Africa (I wish sometimes i was a missionary kid). I have no destination but work. Work, work, work. I am reminded of Proverbs 6:4 "Give no sleep to your eyes, Nor slumber to your eyelids" (NASB) I have decided to fill this down time before the new semester with work. Most people after a storm would rather rest and take refuge in a little bit of couch surfing. But I have taken it upon myself to work right through till the first day of semester 2.

As for Christmas, it is a time to rejoice and "come and adore thee". But for me, I've never in my twenty five years of exsistence desire to have Christmas. Maybe when I was seven and desired to have the nintento that every kid on the block had before I did. But to my recollection, I cannot remember a time that I ever wanted Christmas like some of my peers were openly expressing. But I think that Christmas is embraced by two diffrent kinds of people. The kind of people that can't wait for Christmas to get here and wish it never left. And the other type of person who can't wait for the tinsel to just disappear and let the pop Christmas music to fade into oblivion.

I fall with the woes of Christmas. I've never enjoyed it and I don't know if I ever will? I have had my moments but never lasting and impacting moments that I would want to recreate every year. It will be hard to get through these next few weeks. I will welcome the grind of school again. Some would say I'm crazy to say that. But I will enjoy the few moments of air I have for now. But I'm looking forward to getting back on the grinding stone.