Worn-down

"Worn me down like a road

I did everything you told

Worn me down to my knees

I did everything to please"

- Rachel Yamagta

I do my best. I try my hardest to please. I fall and I get up. I do better. I learn from the past and do what I can. And when I think I'm doing better. I just see more disappointment. I try to cross these bridges but it feels like we just keep burning them. I've failed. Not because I feel that way. But because you just keep telling me that. You've ingrained in me that it's suppose to build character. But what about that loving character. I don't see it and I don't get it. So I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you. Because you've worn me down so much that I'll never measure up. So I'll dig deep, find it in myself to do it on my own and when I get off my feet and find my place. I will give credit where credit is due and I thank you. I'm grateful and will always be. But when I'm gone, I'll be gone because of you.

Upchuck the boggie woggie

Well after the vomit attack I had last night. I am feeling a lot better. I really don't know how it happened. Food poisoning? Who knows, but my stomach is feeling a lot better. Lying in bed trying to read was what I wanted to do. But my stomach just started to have these pains. Like a ball of needles poking my insides from all angles. I tried to sleep it off. But I kept rolling in bed trying various positions to ease the pain...

30 minutes later...

I decided to get up and throw up. I got up. Walk up to the bathroom door and I felt this urge. I rushed to turn the light on. I lifted the seat and dry heaved. A minute later... goosh the dragon from my stomach decided to come on out. I haven't puked in a long time. And for good reason I remember why I hate throwing up. It hurts, it makes me tear up and taste of lunch hours ago isn't pleasant either. Now my decision to upchuck my lunch, dinner, snacks etc. open the door to consecutive time going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I don't want to ever want to throw up again or at least 5 years from now.

Photographs and Memories

You take them out. You blow the dust of the top. The smell of fall helps you remember. A certain rhythm serenades you. You don't remember that purple sweater. You wished you smiled that day a little longer. You want to go back. You laugh at how funny our faces could make that face. Everything was touched by the sun back then. You wished it was like that now. But now they are just memoires hidden away for another day. For another day.

For blogs sake....

I just thought I should blog just cause I haven't in a really long time.

It's been one week since I've gotten back from Poland. The 2 weeks spent there was amazing and one day wish I could go back. Take more time... visit things on my own. Or revisit it with some friends. The experience was unforgettable and would love to repeat it one day.

So I'm back in the swing of things. Papers to write. Assignments to finish or start. Reports to evaluate. A life to map out. School is going to be a blur for the next 4 weeks.

I'm really not sure about social politics. The crassness of whats going on. I'm not sure if its me. Or if its someone else. But I feel like you need to prove something to someone to get some respect. What about just accepting the person for who they are and allowing them the opportunity to prove you wrong. I hate how people do things just so they can fly under the radar. Or why sometimes people do things so they can be considered. Not because its the right or best thing to do. But they do it so they can just climb that social ladder. And those judging just eat it all up like a fat kid who loves cake. I'm really not sure anymore that I want to even compete, because that's just not me. And if it means missing opportunities, then so be it.

Northwest watch (NHL news):
Canucks are on a small streak. 3 wins
Flames have dropped 5 in a row.
Oilers (30th placed team) beat the Flames.
Colorado & Minnesota are great opponents hopefully we can catch'em.

Winter is coming. I'm a little excited.