Pardon Me - Incubus

... cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth. like gravity, hypocrisy,and the perils of being in 3-D...

This morning I awoke thinking positively wanting to have a good day at work. I'm on work day 6. Being promoted and all has it's perks. Better wage, welcomed responsibility and the chance to be a leader in your work place. Although we may never see the fruits of our labour being a produce clerk. I still feel great after a long and productive day at work. But today was diffrent. Right off the bat at 10:30am on a beautiful Saturday morning the world comes crashing down. Or at least the produce department on Country Hills Boulevard in the Royal Oak community. One thing after another keeps coming in my direction. Problems, lazy work ethic and no desire to commit to the work that pays to keep your belly full and your bank account a float.

I felt like I was the only guy in the store trying to keep things going.

$500 dollars worth of raspberries crash to the floor, squished, damaged and made into juice on the warehouse floor.

The responses were:

"Ah don't worry Mark, it's not your money."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Who cares we can just throw these back into their packages and the customers won't know the difference."

I was pretty steamed. I didn't know how to react to such selfishness. To my defense, I know it's not my money and $500 dollars to the Sobeys company really won't hurt the thousands of dollars spent on a daily basis at my store. But I do my best to help the hand the feeds me. I do what I can, cause my manager takes care of me. And in turn I do my best to help him have a better department.

After all that, I just got complaint after complaint. I found myself swimming in a swell of selfishness. I was being selfish for not understanding my staffs complaints and just wanting them to shut up and do the work. I was surrounded by selfish motives and selfish attitudes.

I had to take a break from all of it. I went to lunch.

As I look long and hard out the McDonald's window, sipping on my Coke. I realize how selfish I am. How the world is so encompassed in itself. How each person takes. And takes some more. I'm accusing the world. But I stand in front of it all. I am the first to stand in front and say "Yes I am selfish." I seek attention when not needed. I horde all that I can. I pass the beggar. I pass the collection plate. I look to my comforts before others. I make myself look better than the guy next to me. I do all that I can to get in front and stay in front so the world can't beat me.

I was reading Tims blog on being alien to this world. "Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices."

Sin has stained the whole of mankind. My (if I can make it mine) theology tells me that Sin has tainted all of mankind. We are all born into sin because Adam sinned before God in the garden, which in turn marred all because we are connected with Adam. The world becomes alienated to God. The creator is diverted from his creation. Thus the birth of Christ, His sacrifice and His resurrection. The alienation becomes destroyed and the fellowship between creator and creation through Christ blood and sacrifice on the cross is restored.

Sin has been conquered but his people must contend on the daily basis with the after affects of sins impact.

This is where my dilemma comes into play. I'm frustrated. Pardon me but I am combusting inside hating myself, hating the world and wishing the world would come to a pass. There is so much suffering and so little compassion. So much consumption and so little benevolence. There is to much me and so little you.

I am the first to be found guilty. I cannot exclude myself from the boat of freeloaders. Today I hate myself. Today I really asked myself, "Why God would love us?"