Say Goodnight Mark ... Goodnight Mark

Well I should be in bed right now. I had late dinner. My team the Whalers won 2 out of 3 games. I added another helper to my stats. Soaked in my epsom salt bath. The jury is still out on the whole cure the soreness deal.

I've got David Crowder playing in the backround. My all time favorite. I guess when you've exhausted all avenues to take your mind off things. I come running back to Him. I feel like dirt. I treat the God of my so called life sometimes like a forgettable after thought. (Does that make sense? Probably not) There are so many things going on right now. So many things I can list off and I wonder where I will have the time to do it all. Time fly so fast, we don't even have time to hold on to the handle bars that are in front of us.

But I won't go into self pity mode. Or give the emo kid in me to come out. I'm gonna come out fighting:

Till the roof comes off,

till the lights go out

Till my legs give out, cant shut my mouth.

Im a rip this thing(edited) till my bones collapse.

-Eminem

Some one liners -

1. Facebook.com (my new myspace) thanks Dave
2. Warcraft III, ahh man I get so sucked in. NERD ALERT
3. AFHL Hockey WHALERS 3W-3L .500 hockey boys, lets keep going!
4. Produce Assitant Manger at SOBEY's? to be cont->
5. 300 the movie, bought the graphic ... novel loved it
6. NUCKS vs FLAMES Saturday, it's gonna be scary, prides are gonna be hurt, bragging rights are on the line.

Somewhere In Between

This weekend my friend Jose and his wife dropped by for a visit from Vancouver. They are on there way to Edmonton for a BCBC(British Columbia Baptist Conference) meeting(s). It was good to see some old friends. Things have changed, Des is carrying a baby bump these days. If I'm correct she said it's been six months now. 3 more to go. We had dinner and ended up watching The Protector. Tony Jaa has some amazing Muy Thai martial art skills. But He has to get some new writers cause it was just like Ong Bak all over again (his first North American release), just diffrent stunt guys he had to beat up this time 'round. But the elephants were really cool.

Tonight I watched Cars, I liked it. I'm not a big animation guy or NASCAR junkie. Overall it was quite entertaining and I would have to say it is up there with my top 3 of Disney movies: Hercules, Lion King, Finding Nemo.

Our Hockey league resumes this week and again I'm getting the itch again. 3 days of work, 1 full full day of school and it's HOCKEY TIME! I keep looking at my sticks in my room and tell them "I can't wait". Oh yes I talk to my hockey sticks.

Blog? News? Current Events? Personal Journal? Photo Blog? Emo Writings? I really don't want to use this blog space to get emo-open with the world wide web. I'm really trying hard not to. But it seems it's the only place where I can reflect on my thoughts. And putting it out in public helps me really think hard about what I'm trying to say. The thought that comes through my mind all the time as I visit my blogger space is that it's a place for attention. I don't seek it and I don't think my site creates enough traffic to get it. I don't want it. In my Building Community class, we touched on it a little bit in class. I think some of the comments were, "its a place to get attention without being in community". "You can express your thoughts to a variety of people, to get a random response for attention".

I realize that I like to be the center of attention at times. Being on blogger gives me anonymity to random people on the internet, but also a free forum to those who may know me and get to see the otherside of me through this blog. I could easily start writing a journal and keep it by the bedside table. BUT I guess I crave to share my thoughts, which is simply that. And somewhere in between, I express my EMO-OPEN side.

Lately I've been stuck. Because I'm trying to figure out the good in Goodbye. Rediscovering what it's like to enjoy each day. And how tobemarked can get his groove back. I'm doing my best, but somedays it all comes pouring in and then some. Johnny Cash reminds me, "I hurt myself today, just to see if I still feel". I was reading Oswald Chambers My Utmost for his Highest. It had something to do with protecting our worship. It got me thinking of all the things that suck us dry from being worshippers of God. Q. Why would we want to worship anything? We worship all the time ... and it could be anything; music, people, money, lust, HOCKEY!!!! But I realize that the only thing that is worth worshipping is God. Why? It is the only thing that give us pure joy. It fills us and brings peace and fullfillment. Wholeness!?! (is that a word?)

But lately I haven't been protecting my worship. People, the world etc. have been sucking me dry. And I've been emptied out. I haven't been protecting my worship. I'm doing my best and I'm trying to put my thoughts through the Jesus filter and the promises he has promised to his people. APPLICATION x10, I need to keep going ... I'm just Somewhere In Between

Somewhere In Between

I can't keep Losing sleep over this

No I can't And now I cannot stop pacing

Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out

If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still

I can't be this unsturdy

This cannot be happening
This is over my head But underneath my feet

Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat

And everything will be back to the way that it was

I wish that it was just that easy
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again

I don't want to run away from this

I know that I just don't need this
Cause I'm waiting for tonight

Been waiting for tomoroow

I'm somewhere in between

- Lifehouse

Delicate: The Human heart

My blog tonight will probably make no sense and I might even be guilty for a little attention. But there's only one thing that usually gets me through heart issues ... and that's by writing.

Today this morning I took the advice of a Shepard and lay it all out. I decided to choose to let the Shepard lead the way; mind, body(heart) and soul. It's something that has helped me dictate the way my day should go. Leave what was in the past behind and look to the new horizon before me. It's been one year to this day and up until this point you have been a ghost. I've been praying that you're okay. That things are going well and just maybe you might miss me just like I've missed you. I got my answer tonight. You called, you left your message. I was surprised and now I'm in a tailspin. But tomorrow I'm going to wake. Watch the shadow of the Shepard and follow and decide to choose to win my heart back in your hands.

My heart is delicate, made just like everyone else's. My heart just has a few more weathered cracks than everyone else's.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding ...

Click here
The New Ipod Phone doesn't come out till June 2007. It's touch controls, Internet communications, picture storage and of course its Ipod music capabilities. I heard that it's gonna cost about $499.00 US. I figure thats a resonable price to pay. Why? Well I recently joinned the rest of the Ipod world this Christmas, when I added the iPOD shuffle to my life. It cost me around $89. My phone I bought last summer cost me $120, plus what ever I put on my phone due to the fact that I am on a pay as you go plan. A laptop computer, which I don't yet, can carry media from tv shows, movies, pictures etc. Which can also be carried on the new iPhone. I concluded that this small and impressive device can do all the thing we want while not stuffing our pockets full of gizmos. It's been downsized into this small device for $500 smackers. I figure I carry my cell phone around, my shuffle around and keys and wallet all in pockets ... why not just have it all on one device? I know we already have cell phones out there that have mp3 players on them. But the new iPhone takes the prize.

iPhone on Nightline

Other news ... Season 6 of 24 aired last night. I was pretty excited about the new season that I passed out during the second hour of the season premiere. I've watched every season except for season five. I heard it was the best season, but I never got a chance to watch it, rent it or download it. I wasn't even going to bother. But what are you going to do on a Sunday night? I just have one question ... "How many times can a man have the opportunity to sacrifice his life for his country?" Jack Bauer is all that is man.

I bought the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller. The movie comes out 03.09.07, its quite intresting and it cost me more than I thought. But it was worth reading before watching the movie. I can't wait to see the cinematography... if you've never seen the trailer check it out here.

One Last thing, does anyone know or use Epson salt for muscle aches? Cause I'm still sore from Floor Hockey.

I want to collide

I don't know where this will go or how my words will form. I just got back from our floor hockey league and I feel exhausted. So preseason concluded today and the debut of the Whalers was a nice start. We came out flying not use to the new hockey surroundings, the floor was slick, the ball didn't feel the same and our lungs didn't match our excitement. We came out of the night with 2 wins and 1 loss. Jeff played outstanding as the rest of the team are trying to find its chemistry between linemates. The regular season starts next Thursday and the Whalers are going to have a bright future in the AFHL. I scored a Goal in our third game. Not bad, not bad.

First week of the 2nd semester is almost done. Two more classes tommorow and off to the weekend. I'm waiting on Campbell-Stone Church to approve my application for the new Youth Worker postion I applied for. The Canucks loss tonight and my back is killing me.

After dropping the boys off at home, I had a long ride home. The cold air was killer, but I had my window down and the heater was on full blast. I put in the David Crowder B side Cd and listen to "A Beautiful Collision - Bside mix".

So courageous until now

Fumbling and scared

So afraid You'll find me out,

Alone here with my doubt

Here it comes, a beautiful collision

Is happening now.

There seems no end to where You begin and there I am now

You and I collide

Because of where I'm at, because of how I feel ... I just want to collapse. I just want to cave in and submit. I've become so numb that sometimes I feel like a empty shell. But listening to this song (mind you I've heard this song many times over), I realize if I'm going to hit ground zero. I want to collide with the one who created me. Because, I know that when I collide with the Almighty I have no chance to survive this collision. I have no where to hide my feelings, who I am or what my fears are. He knows it all. I'll be found out. I'll shatter, but He can put me back together. I want to collide. I want a Beautiful Collision.

Back to the Grind ...

It's 6:38pm, it's minus 2 outside and I'm anticipating something, but waiting for nothing. There's things to look forward to like the new floor hockey league the boys and I from ABC have been anticipating. New classes and warmer weather. But because of the way 2006 ended I've had to constantly battle with forgetting the past and moving forward. It's hard to move forward when your life is idling. I really don't like long breaks. Especially when you friends aren't around. Lately I've had thoughts of moving back to Vancouver. At least my friends are there and it's the city I love and know. I could be alonein that city but theres something about being alone in your geographical center. But the reason I left Vancouver was because of change, and more so because I needed to change the enviroment and forget certain things.

The move was good, blessings came and I'm moving on with my life. I'm halfway done my education and living in Calgary will benefit me in the long run. But Last semester brought upon some heartache, hardships and lessons to be learned and improved upon. I feel like I'm back in that situation when I first left Vancouver. I want to leave Calgary. Not really, but I feel like it.

But this time I don't want to just run. I want to face what I'm going through head on. The one person I held up so high and thought couldn't hurt me like I was hurt before has completely fallen off my radar. I wish her all the best, but I know distance and silence will be best to face moving on. School has turned into a bit of a hostile enviroment. Some people aren't returning I hear and some have used the internet to boast hate. I'm sadddend by whats going on and I hope for a better semester.

One last thing... I feel very disoriented in my life. All the things that have gone on in my life have accumulated to this, to this feeling. I'm caught in a storm and hope to whether it soon. We can't ever avoid or never want these things to happen to our lives. We can only hold fast and continue to hope. Hope in the promises of God and stay faithful.

Back to the grind ... looking to better days.

Say Goodbye, Say Hello.

I've been struggling to write a new blog post for awhile. It's come to this and hopefully I can put something down worth reading or at least to satisfy my need to write.

Say goodbye to 2006 and say hello to 2007. I'm glad that the holidays are over. People have returned to normal. The spirit of Christmas didn't last long and the attitude of the mundane lifestyle is back on. This was the first Christmas where I didn't have to go to any parties, family dinners, beside my immediate family dinner/lunch or do any Christmas orientated activities. I did get my Christmas wish though. The Ipod shuffle that I wanted came a day after boxing day. No real deal, but Christmas money made it possible for me to "Put on some music".

Where is the good in goodbye? There is a lot to say goodbye to as I reflect back on 2006. I completed my first year of college at the age of twenty five. I travelled western Canada for 2 months with 4 others; from Yellowknife, NWT to Lumby, BC. I saw another Northwest Team go to the Stanley Cup finals (I was seriously cheering for the oilers). K-Fed was Fed Ex by Britney (I believe in marriage and for what it stands for, but you knew this marriage was doomed to begin with). I was a Video store Clerk, Cook @ Montana's and now I am back to my Green leaf defender ways again. I witnessed and was a part of my two best friends weddings. Congrats Dale/Deeds & Dru/Cheryl ... Happy Marriage. I can't recall much from my memory fatigue is setting in.

As I look forward to 2007 I am really hoping, HOPING for a refreshing start. I'm not making any resolutions, because those are just promises made to be broken. But I'm gonna continue to be honest about who I am, be real about my feelings, and bite my tongue all at the same time. I'm gonna try. Try is the key there. But I know as I look forward to this new year. I know I will always have my eyes on the rear view mirror. Because for me I can't forget the past. Because the past will help you to make a better future.