There was a man who lived in Alaska. A very simple man and was liked by all the people in the small village he lived in. Every night he would take a walk and think about that hole in his heart. He didn't know why or what caused it. But he felt as if there was really a hole in his heart.

He would return home and lay in his bed and lie awake for hours thinking about that hole in his heart. This would continue for a year. He would take that evening walk in the rain, snow, and clear glass night, just before bed. And for a year he would lie in bed awake thinking about that hole in his heart.

But one day the towns people came together and brought him a log. He was never known for a carver. It took him 5 years to crave that log.

They raised that log some years ago. And when you stand there realizing that it took that log hours of carving to fill that hole in that mans heart. You stand there just looking at it and just wanting to cry because of it's beauty. That beauty of that mans hole in his heart.

Worn-down

"Worn me down like a road

I did everything you told

Worn me down to my knees

I did everything to please"

- Rachel Yamagta

I do my best. I try my hardest to please. I fall and I get up. I do better. I learn from the past and do what I can. And when I think I'm doing better. I just see more disappointment. I try to cross these bridges but it feels like we just keep burning them. I've failed. Not because I feel that way. But because you just keep telling me that. You've ingrained in me that it's suppose to build character. But what about that loving character. I don't see it and I don't get it. So I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you. Because you've worn me down so much that I'll never measure up. So I'll dig deep, find it in myself to do it on my own and when I get off my feet and find my place. I will give credit where credit is due and I thank you. I'm grateful and will always be. But when I'm gone, I'll be gone because of you.

Upchuck the boggie woggie

Well after the vomit attack I had last night. I am feeling a lot better. I really don't know how it happened. Food poisoning? Who knows, but my stomach is feeling a lot better. Lying in bed trying to read was what I wanted to do. But my stomach just started to have these pains. Like a ball of needles poking my insides from all angles. I tried to sleep it off. But I kept rolling in bed trying various positions to ease the pain...

30 minutes later...

I decided to get up and throw up. I got up. Walk up to the bathroom door and I felt this urge. I rushed to turn the light on. I lifted the seat and dry heaved. A minute later... goosh the dragon from my stomach decided to come on out. I haven't puked in a long time. And for good reason I remember why I hate throwing up. It hurts, it makes me tear up and taste of lunch hours ago isn't pleasant either. Now my decision to upchuck my lunch, dinner, snacks etc. open the door to consecutive time going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I don't want to ever want to throw up again or at least 5 years from now.

Photographs and Memories

You take them out. You blow the dust of the top. The smell of fall helps you remember. A certain rhythm serenades you. You don't remember that purple sweater. You wished you smiled that day a little longer. You want to go back. You laugh at how funny our faces could make that face. Everything was touched by the sun back then. You wished it was like that now. But now they are just memoires hidden away for another day. For another day.

For blogs sake....

I just thought I should blog just cause I haven't in a really long time.

It's been one week since I've gotten back from Poland. The 2 weeks spent there was amazing and one day wish I could go back. Take more time... visit things on my own. Or revisit it with some friends. The experience was unforgettable and would love to repeat it one day.

So I'm back in the swing of things. Papers to write. Assignments to finish or start. Reports to evaluate. A life to map out. School is going to be a blur for the next 4 weeks.

I'm really not sure about social politics. The crassness of whats going on. I'm not sure if its me. Or if its someone else. But I feel like you need to prove something to someone to get some respect. What about just accepting the person for who they are and allowing them the opportunity to prove you wrong. I hate how people do things just so they can fly under the radar. Or why sometimes people do things so they can be considered. Not because its the right or best thing to do. But they do it so they can just climb that social ladder. And those judging just eat it all up like a fat kid who loves cake. I'm really not sure anymore that I want to even compete, because that's just not me. And if it means missing opportunities, then so be it.

Northwest watch (NHL news):
Canucks are on a small streak. 3 wins
Flames have dropped 5 in a row.
Oilers (30th placed team) beat the Flames.
Colorado & Minnesota are great opponents hopefully we can catch'em.

Winter is coming. I'm a little excited.

Poland 4 days in...

I have finally made time to post. 11:36pm on a wednesday evening in Krakow. Our 10 hour flight over wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The flight went well and the lay over in Frankfurt was nothing we couldn't handle. Being able to step out for a few hours in Frankfurt was a nice surprise. Almost missing our flight to Krakow would of been a story to tell but thats one of many stories I'll leavethat out. I'm just thankful that the pilot was nice enough to be delayed 10 mins.

Krakow is a amazing sight. I'm quite speechless. The architecture and the old structures that have stood the test of time is quite surreal. Standing in the square and seeing all the things that are around me and being in the enviroment I am in. I still cannot believe I am in Europe. This is my first time to Europe and hopefully not the last.

To be surrounded by people who aren't speaking your language, signs that I cannot read and traffic norms that are completely diffrent from what you are use to, really streaches your comfort zone.

But I allow for all of it to be a great experience. There is so much to learn and digest and the 2 weeks here will do no justice to it. But I hope in the next following days I continue to embrace what I have come to love here in Krakow. I almost don't want to go home and just continue this journey. 10 more days....

I stand in the square of old town, Krakow

Not knowing the full history that surrounds me

But it capture me

Knowing that the steps I take

were once taken by makers of history

Culutres, traditions and art encompass my thoughts

as I catch glimpses

What a sight to see, I wish you could see

Tommorow we are back exploring.

Rypien, NHL 08, Poland, Thanksgiving ...

It's been a long time since last I posted a blog. Alas I'm back.

Boy was I a happy camper. I had the night off. The Canucks were on sportsnet west. And Rick Rypien got the call to come and play with the big boys finally. After all his injury woes and not making the cut after the preseason. He got his chance and made it count. 1G, 1A. Out of all the guys that didn't make the cut... I was truly disappointed that Rypster didn't get the call. But all good things come to those who wait.

5-2 Canucks over the Oilers.

So the NHL is in full swing. There has already been two major suspensions. Crosby with only 2 points. Spezza with 10A. And finally the Flames won a game, thanks to Brendan Morrow.

I'm only in one pool this year and I currently sit a distant second to Lane, due to his insane picks... that has given a good 20 point lead. Who would of thought Stastny?

Mentioning suspensions... Steve Dowine was suspended for his hit on Dean Mcammond(20 games) and Jesse Boulerice for his cross check to Ryan Kesler (25 games). I think the suspension was fair. But I feel that Boulerice should of gotten more. If the NHL wants to make a bold statement.. they should of slapped the guy with 40 games... Yes thats pretty much half the season, but maybe guys would think long and hard about using their sticks as weapons. This might sound a little bias due to the face that this happen to one of my favorite Canucks... But someone has to be made the example and it might as well of been Boulerice. They even could of done that with Bertuzzi and I love that guy. I'm sure 25 games is a lot but why not stick it to all thsoe guys who have little talent and forget how privledge they are to be playing professional hockey as a living.

This time next week I will be travelling over the Atlantic Ocean heading towards Krakow, Poland. It will be the first time my feet will ever touch European soil. I'm really excited. I don't know what to expect. All I know is that I can't wait for 5:55pm on Friday October 19th...

Thanksgiving was a blast. My uncles farm had some many random filipino redneck moments. Samurai swords, Army style rifles, goats, pigs and an H2. I hope to get the pictures soon from my cousins...

I'm so tired, thats it for now... I'm out.

Adventures in Solitude

So today I spent the day alone. Nursing my ankle and alternating ice pack for another. Compression and Elevation on the neck of my couch. I went in and out from naps. What did I accomplish today? Not much. But enough I that I feel that my ankle is a whole lot better from this morning. I awoke with such pain. So there was no need for me to hobble around school. I felt like I could afford to miss class today. At least that's how I justify things.

I read my text(I'm half way done) for Church growth and theory: The Forgotten ways by Alan Hirsch. The book is getting to the real meat of it all and I'm quite enjoying this one. I'm coming out with ideas and inspiring thoughts that I hope to implement into near distant future.

We can only live changes: we cannot think our way to humanity. Every one of us, every group, must become the model of that which we desire to create. - Ivan Illich

I've been bouncing the thought of how people hate going to church or that people are tired of going to church. But would really like to talk about who God is and discuss what Jesus was trying to get at. I feel that a lot of people who have been going to church for awhile are left with only a temporary spiritual high, inspirational thought for the heart that last only till the early recesses of Monday morning. It's just not enough to sit for an hour and a half in service and be done with it. I think there needs to be changes. Changes in the way we do church.

For one... I think we need to make church more interactive. How? I don't really have the answer. But it can't be 80/20. Pulpit/Audience. I think people need to be more active. Be more involved in more social action than putting a monetary band-aid in some dish. Maybe church could be done down at the seed. Feeding the people, building relationships and reflecting the light of the world through the lives we try to proclaim to others who don't go to church. Maybe we need to be doing it more proactively. What if church was done this way. Each sunday the church is out doing a work bee, holding a lunch at the nursing home, going downtown handing out blankets etc to the homeless, cleaning the neighborhood. Doing these things builds relationships and living out and practicing our faith instead of just saying it by sitting in the pieu and listening to the pastor each sunday.

Becoming a mobile church. We are to be the hands and feet of Christ. Why aren't we doing it? Instead of looking like the normal church gathering for an hour or two each week. Why not mobilze and do something with that time?

I know I'm rambling and there is more behind this. But what if Church was done in a more proactive way. Could this be possible?

40/60

It's happening all over again.

Last night at the volleydome I went up for a block. I landed on a foot. And ended up rolling my left ankle. 2 a half years ago, I did the same thing playing basketball, but it was my right ankle. It took a long time for my right ankle to feel somewhat normal. And to this day it has never been the same.

Present day, I am now nursing a swollen left ankle. A 2nd grade sprain and some tearing of the ligaments. I can see the black and blue creeping up both sides of my ankle. It's not going to be pretty. I'm walking around on crutches and the simple stuggle of getting up and going from A to B takes so much more effort.

I'm hoping and praying for a quick recovery. The doctor said 2 weeks of being off my feet and about three months till my ankle makes a full recovery.

Pardon me Redux

I guess you just can't have good days all the time. The inspiration of this blog/note comes from a day of frustration, anger, burden, annoyance etc. If only I could find a true word that described this day I would use it. And at one moment in the day I found myself wanting to use words that would later need my mouth to be washed with soap. Pardon me by Incubus always comes to my mind when I have days like these.

"...on the verge of spontaneous combustion Woe is me. But I guess that it comes with the territory, An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity. I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and exploding seems like a definite possibility to me."

It's such a clear and loud message of frustration with this world and the people in it. Just for a moment I would like to address a few thoughts that come to mind.

• We need to be careful not to feed the egos that surround us. Those vessels that carry such a pompous attitude seem to thrive on it and they might believe in some respect that the majority of us concede. But in reality not everyone is willing to put them up on a pedestal.
• Get a clue that I cannot be your friend, when I'm trying to do your job. It's about give and take and at the moment I'm just giving, giving and giving while breaking my back.
• Are people aware of the social ineptness that they create? Or are they completely clueless?
• I can't seem to figure out the two faced people I have come to know and trust and then go from small talk to you are wasting the air that surrounds you.
• Favoritism is a horrible thing. But we all do it. Myself included.

Now you may say "Hey buddy, look in your own eye. Before you try and take the plank out of mine". Which is so true. I am to blame for a portion of this fallen world we live in. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick you me, myself, and I. I'm also sick of you, them and the group you belong to.

And finally the fat lady sings with this...

I took a dinner break at work today. I walked over to Subway. I was already a ticking time bomb. With all my frustration coop up inside I was looking to enjoy a pleasant meal. I was standing in line behind four different customers.

The couple in front of me were waiting to get their veggies on their subs. The female requested with a firm lettuce and tomato. The subway employee acknowledge this request. After finishing placing the lettuce and tomato on, the female continue to request for more tomato's and lettuce. "MORE, MORE, MORE". The subway lady acknowledge the request. And again the lady requested more, "MORE, MORE" at this point it wasn't a turkey sandwich, it was a lettuce tomato sandwich. I looked at the amount of lettuce and tomato and I would have to say that any vegetarian would say that was more than they could take. But the customer was displeased and her tone got louder. "MORE..." The subway employee said that she would need to pay extra for the amount of veggies she was putting on... This sounded like attitude to the disgruntled customer. She then proceeded to say "Are you the owner of this place... why do you care if you put all this on. I could have all the veggies I want ... I clean out all the veggies and have them on my sandwich if I wanted!" At this point I could see her male counterpart was getting a little uncomfortable with the conflict unfolding before him.

At this point I was steaming. I couldn't handle it anymore. I spoke up and the bomb exploded. In a deep and booming voice I said "Why don't you calm down? It's just a fricken sandwich, you don't need to be so rude about it." The customer retorted back with "Did you hear the attitude she gave me?" I repeated what the employee had said " Yeah she kindly let you know that you had to pay extra for those veggies you were requesting!" At this point her whipped boyfriend turns around and glares at me. I only glare back, ready to throw down. But before anything could transpire. The other subway employee swoops in to finishes the order while, the lady continues to grunt under her breath and stare back at me.

The couple left and the lady behind the counter thanked me for speaking up even though she was quite upset. I simply replied with "It's no problem, it's been a long day and I was looking for a way to blow off some steam."

The one funny thing about the whole ordeal was the little boy that was standing behind me. Waiting patiently. I look back at him and he catches my eye. He simply tells me, "I hate it when people get made at the sandwich lady".

"I know what you mean kid." I tell him.

Vancouver

Listening to: U2 - Where the streets have no name (Vancouver Canucks intro)

Okay so I've going around the internet reading all the comments on how the new look Canuck Jerseys are being received. Josh Plummer who is linked on the right side of my blog has dissed the new look jersey. He isn't happy and so are a few thousand Canuck fans out there.

I believe a lot of Canuckle heads out there wanted just to bring back the Vintage Jersey. The colors were great and the logo was simple. I was hoping but you knew the masses weren't going to get what they wanted. Plus money is needed to be made... and bringing back the vintage jersey would of done nothing profit wise. I can understand that.

But here was my first response to the jersey ... "VANCOUVER!" Why did they have to post the VANCOUVER lettering over top of the logo? Whats the deal? I think a lot of fans around the league know where we are from.

But it's taken me this long to admit that I actually like the dark blue jersey with the lettering of Vancouver on top of the logo.

The canucks are probably the laughing stock of Jersey logos and colors. Remember the hockey skate? The halloween colors? The V? Yah we haven't been consitent or carry any real tradition with the jeresys like Montreal, Toronto, and New York. But I'm going to support the Canucks, ugly jersey or not.

GO CANUCKS GO!!!!

I Want Someone To Eat Cheese With

Same shirt, different day

Listening to : Brooke Fraser playlist (I've got a crush)

Have you ever wondered when you see that apple at the grocery store and ask yourself, "How fresh is that granny smith apple?" Have you ever wondered and stood there watching the produce clerk and say"How fresh is it?" Well here is something to think about when you go to your local grocery store.

CA or Controlled Atmosphere. Is an agricultural storage method. An atmosphere in which oxygen, carbon dioxide and nitrogen concentrations are regulated, as well as temperature and humidity. Fresh fruits, most commonly apples and pears, where the combination of altered atmospheric conditions and reduced temperature allow prolonged storage with only a slow loss of quality. http://www.bestapples.com/facts/controlled.html

Did you know that you might have on your kitchen table a year old apple or pear. That the apple you ate was picked and packaged a year ago? I've known this for awhile, working in produce for the last 4 years. It's something that I've kinda known as one of those weird facts that you know and oddly bring up at a party that you were invited to where you know no one except for the the person who dragged you along because they needed someone to fall back on if things got awkward. Like this fact, Did you know that at least 5 spiders crawl into your mouth in your lifetime while you sleep? Okay I don't know the exact number but I've heard that one and others have confirmed that fact.

Back to my CA...

So there are CA storages in the state of Washington. Where your local grocery giant orders and gets your Gala, Breburn, Granny, Fuji, Golden & Red Delicious apples etc. Thousands upon thousand of apples sitting and waiting to be shipped 6-8 months later from when they were picked. Because of the controlled gases such as Carbon dioxide, Nitrogen concentrations etc. the apples can last longer and won't spoil after 8 months of sitting and waiting to be eaten.

Aside: I realize what I do in this world may indirectly or directly effect the course of another persons life. I believe we are all connected somehow.

All these apples that are stored away so we can eat apples year round are horded in these storages while children, people, moms, dads, boys and girls are starving. Why are we storing apples that can be shipped around the world and feed so many refugees, homeless, children, and families.

There are so many problems and issuses that contiune to make those who are privledge to make our heads spin a million times over. But like my aside mentions... take for consideration that the choices we make can indirectly or directly effect a person you may never have thought in the first place.

I'm guilty and I'm not trying to put blame on anyone particular. Me, myself and I contribute to the major problem. But I take this into consideration.

Thanks to Dan the elderly man who comes to visit our produce department from time to time to chat it up with me and take up 30mins of my time a shift. It's always eaiser to pass time at work with a good conversation. Food for thought.

Feels like home

I awoke to the sound of my alarm. It's 7:30am on my first of two days off. It's quite early since last night I spent the night playing Poker with my brother and Justin who is visiting from Vancouver. It was like old times. To add I've never seen my brother chase circles in his head wondering weather or not I raised or called pre-flop or not. It was a glorious feeling to see him so scattered brained trying to figure out if I had the cards or not.

* an aside: Good poker players will bet to put the other player to make a decision for all his/her chips. Forcing them to make that decision is hard and ultimately make them fold.

This morning I drove Justin to the car rental shop at the airport. He was driving to Edmonton for work purposes. He's visiting us as well as doing some business up north. I had time on my hands. So I decided to take a bit of a detour instead of turning back home.

The air is much cooler now in Calgary. I take a look at my weather widget and it tells me it's 15 with a high of 18 and a low of 6. Possible showers sometime during the day. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but it feels like summer has left us and all we have now is the suns light to remind us that it was once here. But the air is cool now and the breeze carries a soft whisper of fall. Something I quite welcome, but I hesitate cause I know it's only going to bring along the way the harsh call of winter. But nonetheless I am really excited for the fall.

As I drove home with my window all the way down. Hoodie in tow and my music bumping to the latest 50 cent feat Jt track. I could smell the familiarities of home. I can't really explain but I will try in this web log (blog, I just leared where blog came from). Certain smells, moments, places, occurances take you back to a time where you feel comfortable, safe and at peace. As the crisp cool air and the smell of fall around the corner brought me from being unsteady, to steady and rattled to still. Lately I've been coming to grips of my struggle to feel confident in what kind of cards that have been delt to me. But I once heards awhile back "don't blame anyone for the cards that were dealt to you, but it's how you play those cards that were dealt to you, that will determine your destiny". But in this August morning I feel inspried to be at peace for now and I will enjoy this moment. As should you if you are still reading this.

I realize that I don't ever want to take for granted the things I love most. Because when you do, you miss it so much more.

The Office & Random thoughts

The Office season premiere episode “Fun Run” airs Thursday, Sept. 27.

This isn't a official blog just thought I would give a small reminder to all those office fans out there.

What happens if your Boss joins Facebook? Do you add them? Do you ignore the request? What do you do?

Have you looked up into the sky lately? I've been seeing some awesome cloud formation and colors.

This year I'm going to welcome the fall with open arms.

Althought Tom Cruise has fallen off his rocker in the public eye. I recently watched MI3 and was throughly entertained once again.

Just Jared. I'm addicted.

Being sick always sucks.

The Vancouver Canucks are going to unveil their new logo/jersey August 29th. I'm not hoping for anything nice. The Canucks have always been the laughing stock when it comes to Jerseys. I saw who cares what they wear. It's how many goals will they score and how many games is Bobby Lue going to play?

Anyone own a Ipod Video that they want to sell?

Going home for the Journey

Summer highlight

(not many this summer but this one is climbing the charts)

Journey Softball team

I was invited by Stacey to come play on a softball team way back at the beginning of summer. Probably around the time school was done and full time work was creeping up. The invitation was so far ahead that I totally forgot all about the invite.

But one fateful day, on a day off from work(which is rare these days) I get a call from the big leagues asking if I can come out and play for the Journey church. I scrambled to look for my good old glove but couldn't find it. So I sought out a new glove which set me back a few bucks and some poor old cows behind.

I can still remember my first game. It was cloudy. The shale was moist and you could smell the hot dogs and peanuts being sold from centerfield. Okay there was no vendors present. But the shale was moist. I saw some firmilar faces and it was a pretty good debut for the filipino fury, that even Coach Tasha and Fred asked for him to come back.

The team was competitive, outgoing and lots of fun. We didn't have a team name and didn't know how to introduce ourselves to our opponet. All we knew was that we muttered under our breath that we were going to crush them politely. When we were up to bat, no one ever wanted to take a walk. We were natural hitters, nothing less and nothing more. And maybe at times we should of just taken the walk than foul out or fly out. I'm sure more runs would of been scored. Our fielding was like a wave... Sometimes it was 3 up and 3 down... other times it was bobble here, fall and slip there and finally 3 out. Whatever the case we were always up for the challenge.

Chad the consummate pro. Bruce & Paul trustworthy with the bat and the glove. Leanne was always steady, the girl could rover like no one else over. Kathy can hit. Katie a hitter not a fighter. Sparshu 2nd basewomen, she could smack one in the gap. Tasha and Fred always staying postive and always encouraging. Nelson the Guillotine and the team was awesome to be part of.

But my summer slo-pitch journey ends prematurely. Next week playoffs start and I will be in Indiana. And if we get pass that game, the finals will be held the following saturday. So as I end this ode to softball summer fun blog. I tip my hat to all my team mates who I enjoyed spending a few hours a week with. I throw my glove in anger to frustration when the ball isn't falling in the right spot. I clinch my fist and hollar to "run like the wind". And I say "Swing away Merrill", when the bases are loaded. Go home for the Journey.

Random rumblings

Photo Radar:
Since moving to Alberta I've been fined a total of 190 dollars. The latest one came in today at 85 bones. I was 63 in a 50 zone. Where? 900 Memorial drive. Photo Radar? Is it another way for the government to make some easy cash? Or does it actually help make streets safer?

Rumbling: I like the idea of the photo radar in school zones and the at lights where there is potential for people to run red lights. But on the highway, where I got my first one ticket... was pretty ridiculous. I'll pay the fine. But I'll watch my speed from now on, on memorial and on 14th street.

Articles on Photo Radar:
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070719/photo_radar_070719/20070719?hub=CTVNewsAt11
http://www.thestar.com/News/Columnist/article/233782

Summer heat:
I notice that a lot of people are complaining about the heat. I just want everyone to remember the late and long winter we had. How everyone was done with snow and wanted the sun to come out. Also watch the Inconvenient truth. Global warming might be an issue here too. Maybe you are contributing to why it's so hot out right now. As for me. I don't mind. It can get hotter if it wants to. I work all day in a air conditioned grocery store. Also to my disposal are three large coolers, one equipped with a mister.

Global warming solutions:
http://www.ucsusa.org/global_warming/solutions/ten-personal-solutions.html

Slurpees:
I'm reliving my teenage adolescents. The squishy did it.

Canada's only Kwik E Mart (in my hometown):
http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2007/07/04/kwick-e-mart.html?ref=rss#skip300x250

Softball (slo-pitch):
I hate being so competitive. I love our team and how we are all hitters. Our last game we should of won. I guess we can't always hit homers.

I'll sleep in when I'm dead.

It's my 2nd day off for this week. They are treasured and cherish days for sure. Working 90 hours plus last week was insane.

Stampede is finally over. Things in the city are back to normal I feel. Stampede kinda takes the whole city over and this buzz fills the air and is accompanied with the heat. At the beginning of the week of Stampede I was pretty anti-stampede. But decided to try it out. So one fateful Thursday afternoon I head down to see what all the yahoo was about.

My assessment of stampede was compared to the PNE & Playland back home in Vancouver. Playland has a variety of wicked rides while, Stampede had a couple thrilling, get you upside down and leave you dizzy rides. Playland has roller coaster, Stampede doesn't.

The fair grounds are pretty equal. Fair food is the same all around. Elephant ears, mini doughnuts, corn dogs etc. The day I was there they had a live concert. I believe it was the band "LIVE". They sounded amazing for a live concert outdoors. I enjoyed them and so did all the pot smokers in the crowd. Overall it was a good time. I would have to say I would go back next year and say that the Stampede has a better feel and overall great atmosphere. Minus the fact that they don't have some gut busting rollercosters. Stampede creeps a little further up the chart then the PNE. But not by much. Big high fives to Amber and Valerie for showing my a good time.... and Pam and Evan for showing me around a super huge corn dog.

The last week and a half have been my first to do this in Calgary this summer. So I jouryned off to the Calgary Zoo with Summer. It was her 2nd time going, while my first. We Walked the grounds and saw amazing creatures. Some you could never see in Vancouver. Cause the Vancouver zoo sucks. Sorry Vancouverites it is true. Little monkeys from all over the world. Some monkeys that look like little demons with spikey hair. We met a gorilla named Zahara. If you ever go to the Calgary Zoo. Make sure to schedule your time to see the presenation on the gorilla troop there. Zahara has a amazing story. A heart breaking one too. Also another thing you should do at the Calgary Zoo is grab a Screamer. Soft ice cream layered between slurpee mix. An amazing treat even if you are lactose intolerant. It's worth the pain.

Well it off to get my passport pictures. Get my work pants hemmed. And play some softball tonight.

Leave your mark (challenge)

Just a quick post.

I will no longer post anonymous comments. I'm a firm believer in making your mark when commenting on someones thoughts, stories, beliefs etc.

Md.

An ugly fact of life

Listening to: An ugly fact of life - Explosions in the sky (amazing song)

Why do we get up everyday? If all your debts were paid off. If all your chores and affairs were put to rest. If all your relationships were made straight. If all those things were laid to rest. Would I still need to get up every morning? This blog by no means is a call for help. Or a way to seek attention. Although this is posted publicly and for some of you (who ever you are) who read this. I'm just putting my thoughts out there. For reasons I don't know why. But maybe more so for accountablity.

But lately this summer has been one I would like to lay put away hidden in the bookshelves collecting dust. Right now I'm on a path I don't know where it leads. I've made plans, but we all know that we can all make plans, but the Lord determines his/her steps. I've been having a rough time adjusting to leading my peers at work. Finding the respect I feel I should be granted. I feel in some sorts abandoned this summer. So I've been folding the cards I hold. In some aspects I've isolated myself and granted the honesty of my heart to be shadowed with ignorance. At this point ignorance would be bliss. But truth be known I'm just fooling myself. I just want to say that this is another valley I'm going through. But I feel as if thats just a cop out to why I am here running through the forest.

As busy as I am and distracted from my own self destruction. I'd rather not get up. I've been losing my step. I've missed a couple exits along the way. And this maze has gotten out of control.

I'm not sorry for myself or wallowing in my sorrow. But I'm just wondering why this part of life which has been allowed to me. Will help me later down the road. Everything happens for a reason right?

You can't lose what you don't put in the middle

We've all heard of art imitating life, what about life imitating poker.

The last time I played some poker was about a week ago. I came 2nd the first night. The 2nd night I came 1st. I love playing poker. Especially around my close friends. No money is ever involved. Just consequences. Like the 1st one out has to deal for the other players till the very end of the night (cause no one ever likes to deal). That gets everyone tight and plays conservatively (plus its a disgrace to go out first). If you don't believe me. Forget about it.

I recently watched one of my favorite movies, "Rounders". If you've never played Texas hold'em. You should just watch this movie. It will clear a lot of things up.

Texas hold'em is the "Cadillac of poker". You never play the cards, you play the man in front of you. You look for tells, weaknesses, and play a strong poker face when you have'em or even when you don't.
But there are times when you have the cards. Two cowboys in the pocket (pair of kings) or Bullets (pair of aces). That's when you go all in, risk it all and put all you chips in the middle. Theres a good chance you can take down the pot and take the suckers chips.

But there are times in poker when you know you need to fold'em. Even if it is a pair of cowboys you are holding. Cause when the flop comes (community cards that help make a five card hand) and gives you no help for your kings.

You need to know when to hold'em and know when to fold'em.

So for now... I'm folding, because "You can't lose what you don't put in the middle."

Canuck thoughts: For all those Canuck fans out there

I came across this post on the Canucks forum. Since July 1st Free agent players are being picked up left right and center. Signed for millions of dollars. As for the Canucks they haven't really spent much or made any significant moves to help out the offense for next season. But be patient ... this post explains what I've been seeing too:

When Dave Nonis replaced Brian Burke as GM of the Vancouver Canucks, the team was considered a potential Stanley Cup contender. Nonis was eager to put his stamp on the club, but the uncertainty of working under a brand-new collective bargaining agreement combined with a collective gust of pressure from Canuck fans resulted in a few minor signings but otherwise the team was kept in tact for one last hurrah -- one last run at the Cup.

The following summer, Nonis began building the team. HIS team.

His first major transaction was profound. Nonis managed to unload Todd Bertuzzi -- perhaps the biggest underachiever on the team at the time, and certainly the biggest distraction -- along with stop-gap starter Alex Auld and solid top-4 stay at home dman/1st round pick Bryan Allen for Roberto Luongo. In retrospect, the deal has practically cemented the GM's position in this city for several more years while the losing GM lost his job and the trade single-handedly spun the Florida Panthers about 10 steps back into the rebuilding mode they had seemed poised to get out of.

"Building from the net out", "It all starts in net", "Now we need to focus on our defense" were words you could hear Nonis repeat in interviews after the trade. And of course "Luongo" was the answer to a question posed to him years before on HNIC: "Dave, if you could build your team around one player in the NHL, who would it be?"

The following day, Nonis decided not to bask in the glory of pulling off such a heist and got back to work, building from the back out. Hometown boy Willie Mitchell was exactly the type of player the Canucks needed. It was a common theme at trade-deadline day: "If we could just get a Chelios-type nasty shut-down guy. You know...a Mitchell type guy".

One month later, Nonis continued to solidify the top-4 by avoiding arbitration and locking up Mattias Ohlund to a 4-year deal.Late in the 2006-07 season, the astute GM then avoided losing the Finnish-MacInnis Sami Salo without anything in return via unrestriced free agency by signing the Fin to a 4-year deal worth 3.5 million per season. Another great move by Nonis, as retrospect shows us he would have likely commanded much more had he become unrestricted. Everyone knows about Salo's cannon of a shot, but it's also his poise and confidence that has made him such a critical element to the Canucks blueline.

With goaltending and one of the leagues best top-5 d-core solidified, there was really only one way for Nonis to go to begin the 2007 offseason:"The Bottom Six".Cowan, Ritchie, Isbister. In the former 2, Nonis has locked up two players with what he calls "tremendous compete". Nonis said one of the reasons he signed Ritchie was when the Canucks played the Flames last year, none of the players liked playing against him. This is the type of guy that Nonis clearly wants in the bottom 6. Add other similar type players: Cooke, Burrows, Rypien, Kesler and Jack Adams Trophy winner Alain Vigneault has some serious mustard available at his convenience. While these bottom six may not light the lamp with regularity, there appears to be one thing clear: Nonis expect his 3rd and 4th lines, when not scoring, to work hard, skate fast, hit, fight, and perhaps their most important job description: DRAW PENALTIES.

While it is obvious that the team is going to need more offensive production next year, there simply wasn't money in the kitty (barring trade) to do so. That said, it's still early.

And Dave Nonis clearly has a plan: Build from the back-end out.

1. Goalie CHECK

2. D CHECK

3. 4th line CHECK

4. 3rd line CHECK5.

2nd line _______

...it's so brilliant it's almost funny.....

-end post-

ps (by the way, I'm loving the ritchie, isbister, shannon pickups)

Looking outside the box

playing Just like a bird without a feather - Samuel L. Jackson (Black Snake Moan)

I went without a cell phone today at work. Not by choice, but by mistake. It seems I've lost track of time and day. Work has totally consumed my days, nights, mornings and afternoons. If not for the reminders of the flyer's and some patriotic customers at work. I would of not known it was July. Stampede is on the way. Ask me how excited I am for that? I'm not. You can't miss, what you've never experienced. I've been in Calgary two years and the closes I've been to experiencing the stampede experience is some left over breakfast sausage from the pancake breakfast at the local Co-op. That was two years ago, when we just moved from Vancouver.

Speaking of Vancouver. We had some vancouverites invade my basement. Danica, Chris and Renz visited us. It's always nice to have familiar faces visit us here in Cow-town. They brought back that Coquitlam feeling back. It's always nice to see familiar faces, but so sad to see them go.

I feel I've been missing summer? I hate that feeling. People coming in with their summer attire. Wishing I could trade in my green leaf defender uniform for flip flops, board shorts and some shades. I can only look forward to the folk festival coming up late July. I have no scheduled time off yet.

it feels like Calgary is empty.

i'm out.

Outro: playing When the lights go out - The black keys

Pardon Me - Incubus

... cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth. like gravity, hypocrisy,and the perils of being in 3-D...

This morning I awoke thinking positively wanting to have a good day at work. I'm on work day 6. Being promoted and all has it's perks. Better wage, welcomed responsibility and the chance to be a leader in your work place. Although we may never see the fruits of our labour being a produce clerk. I still feel great after a long and productive day at work. But today was diffrent. Right off the bat at 10:30am on a beautiful Saturday morning the world comes crashing down. Or at least the produce department on Country Hills Boulevard in the Royal Oak community. One thing after another keeps coming in my direction. Problems, lazy work ethic and no desire to commit to the work that pays to keep your belly full and your bank account a float.

I felt like I was the only guy in the store trying to keep things going.

$500 dollars worth of raspberries crash to the floor, squished, damaged and made into juice on the warehouse floor.

The responses were:

"Ah don't worry Mark, it's not your money."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Who cares we can just throw these back into their packages and the customers won't know the difference."

I was pretty steamed. I didn't know how to react to such selfishness. To my defense, I know it's not my money and $500 dollars to the Sobeys company really won't hurt the thousands of dollars spent on a daily basis at my store. But I do my best to help the hand the feeds me. I do what I can, cause my manager takes care of me. And in turn I do my best to help him have a better department.

After all that, I just got complaint after complaint. I found myself swimming in a swell of selfishness. I was being selfish for not understanding my staffs complaints and just wanting them to shut up and do the work. I was surrounded by selfish motives and selfish attitudes.

I had to take a break from all of it. I went to lunch.

As I look long and hard out the McDonald's window, sipping on my Coke. I realize how selfish I am. How the world is so encompassed in itself. How each person takes. And takes some more. I'm accusing the world. But I stand in front of it all. I am the first to stand in front and say "Yes I am selfish." I seek attention when not needed. I horde all that I can. I pass the beggar. I pass the collection plate. I look to my comforts before others. I make myself look better than the guy next to me. I do all that I can to get in front and stay in front so the world can't beat me.

I was reading Tims blog on being alien to this world. "Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices."

Sin has stained the whole of mankind. My (if I can make it mine) theology tells me that Sin has tainted all of mankind. We are all born into sin because Adam sinned before God in the garden, which in turn marred all because we are connected with Adam. The world becomes alienated to God. The creator is diverted from his creation. Thus the birth of Christ, His sacrifice and His resurrection. The alienation becomes destroyed and the fellowship between creator and creation through Christ blood and sacrifice on the cross is restored.

Sin has been conquered but his people must contend on the daily basis with the after affects of sins impact.

This is where my dilemma comes into play. I'm frustrated. Pardon me but I am combusting inside hating myself, hating the world and wishing the world would come to a pass. There is so much suffering and so little compassion. So much consumption and so little benevolence. There is to much me and so little you.

I am the first to be found guilty. I cannot exclude myself from the boat of freeloaders. Today I hate myself. Today I really asked myself, "Why God would love us?"

It's a long road

It's a long road. I don't know how long? How wide? How narrow? It's not always smooth. A few bumps a long the way. Sometimes I hit holes so large, even with time a preparation you just can't avoid them. I confess to my dashboard as I drive along this road that my hearts been aching. This long road tirelessly wears me down. The edges of my complex smooth out, but this smoothness dulls me. Sections of the road I wish to speed on faster, hoping for a quick and painless transition from desert to forest. But those valleys slow me down, taking me into deep dark places where my fears rest to prey on me. It's a long road. Theres no denying that. What will be at the end. No one knows.

Facebook the dating game, Voice Imodulation

Just some quick thoughts...

I was talking to a friend about how funny it is that people on facebook so quickly update their relationship status on their profile. "Shooter Magee and Sarah Lee are now in a relationship". If it's on facebook it's official. "Hey world and all my network friends I'm not single anymore." As I type this I'm thinking I might get a few comments posted for maybe being jealous that I myself cannot update my status on facebook. "Go right ahead" but I'm completely alright with that. And take no offence to this post/thought either. But I think it is quite amusing at the fact that once you have changed your profile status it has truly become official.

Recently I was browsing the Youtube site looking for videos on Brooke Fraser.

Brooke on some tv show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3rUgNMDtYg

Interviews, music videos etc. One particular video was of this guy sitting in his room covering "Deciphering me" by Brooke.

See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf-ApECozcc

He made this mock video of him filming himself and other various shots of his pictures, him in the bathroom (God knows why) and random footage. Lately I've been playing some mean guitar looking for some inspiration, imitating my latest and favorite rock artist. And I thought, "people film themselves a lot and post'em on Youtube, why can't I?" So I decided to just play a couple songs, record them and see how it sounds.

Bad idea.

You know how you listen to a recording of yourself on a answering machine? And your first thought is "That's not how my voice sounds like." Well what I hear through my ears when I'm singing is not what I heard on the recording I made. I was disgusted.

This is what the American and Canadian Idol judges are thinking when they ask the auditioners if they can hear themselves singing and actually think the are good.

My voice to me sounds when I hear it. But on a recording it's terrible. I don't know if I can sing in public again ... dun dun dun!

Today: I got a haircut. I don't know if I'll ever be content after I get a hair cut.

A slow dance - Explosions in the sky

I'm tired. Do you ever have those days when you feel like there is no one around. You have no one to talk to. There is so much to do and so little time. And there is no solid answer anywhere to be found. But somewhere along the way. You get this feeling. Or something happens. You see it. Acknowledge it. And it comes over you. Today I had lunch with a friend. Fixed my car. Danced a bit in secret to Amy Winehouse. Ate some solid food for once. Played softball. And saw some firmilar faces along the way. And after it was all said and done. I drove down 1A West Crowchild. The setting sun gracefully bowing down for the night sky to takes it's place in this part of the world. The cool air blowing through the crack I've made in my window. And the silence of the pur that my fixed muffler makes. And as I pass the last set of lights before I turn off. It comes over me. I know in that moment that there is God. Coming over me, reminding me that:

It's not that others aren't
but this one I know for sure
Your touch, too real, too warm
Your words, too loud to ignore
Too often I overlooked
these moments with you by my side
When absence leads to loss
it's me who's left alive
This moment is you (I'm on my knees again)
This moment is you (completely helpless)
This moment is you (can you restore me?)
This moment is you (bring peace and healing)
Matt Wertz

Weekends - The Perishers

I know sometimes people look at your past and know exactly how you are going to be. The apple never falls far from the tree. But I will never be like you. Some nights I lay awake wishing I was and always on my own. Because you have a made me a shadow with nothing to follow. Laying cheek down on the cold kitchen floor. Resting, exhausted from all the arguing and pointless conversation under our breath. I am not restrained from who I am or who I have grown up to be. I am someone new. Reborn. Never looking to the past as a crutch, "This is who I am and this is all I will ever be." No thats not me. I will never be you. I sometimes mutter words of hate and selfless thought. It creeps up like a lion after its prey. I slowly combust and I stand left to pick up the pieces after I slowly burn away. I don't know if it will ever change. But I will change and vow never to be like you. There is an exit and I'm going to take it.

To west Texas - Explosions in the sky

Twenty six. It doesn't feel any different. Replace the five for a six. No younger, no older. I may go to bed earlier. Staying up late is only an option if tomorrow is convenient. Getting older is something I don't look forward to or dread. I'm only looking at how far the road has gone and where this new road is going. Many friends along the way, some important, some unimportant. New places discovered, a new home to make comfortable. All in all I can't say I'll ever be content. But content is how I feel at the moment. I know new sights and sounds are at the horizon. I know and promise to be more daring. To live more for my destiny wherever that might take me. Write more, write a few songs along the way. Run or Jog whatever gets the job done. Take that trip to Europe or road trip till money runs out. Surf the waves of Fiji or Tofino once again. Read all of Donald Millers books, even if it takes me my whole life to read them. Drink less coffee and more tea. Green. Be less angry and more anti-emo (ha ha). Finish school. Sponsor. Pour water from a pitcher and overflow some cups. Live the simple life. That's all I want.

Do you know what it's like...

... when you stand in a room full of people but still feel alone? Can you comprehend when silence is sound to you? Can you understand fully what it means to be put out on your own? To do life walking alone? What about when the walls have been built up brick after brick, that they are so high that sitting at the dinner table asking for the salt could cause world war 3. What happens to the forgotten amidst the shadow of hate, insecurity and fear? Do you know what it's like to have to come to the realization that being alone can only feel comfortable? Do you know what it's like to never truly trust anyone? Not even the ones you are closest too. What happens then? I once heard someone say "I'm not lonely, I'm just alone". Do you know what it's like?

But maybe you are full of appointments? Maybe it's so hard to keep track of friends and acquaintance's. Too many friend requests, too many social events, too many places to be, to many people to meet. Maybe you don't know what it's like to know what it's like to be me? But when you go home and sit from the busyness of the social migration from once came. You do know what it is like. Because you fill your life with temporary after thoughts of empty pseudo friendships. Only to find yourself alone continuing to fill that gap with bittersweet reconsideration. Do you know what it's like ... I think you might?

(disclaimer: this is not about me. I was listening to explosions in the sky and this just spilled out. Maybe parts of this is me. But I had this more or less spill out just because. Don't worry folks. I've just got my writing itch back.)

Day Three: T3 would be perfection

Day 3: Road to recovery...

The annoying pain is still there. I awoke with a headache. I can only think it's because of the throbbing pain of the swollen gums. I upped my dosage of Tylenol 3's today to two. I really didn't want to. Because T3 are laced with codeine which is a narcotic. I was a little apprehensive due to the fact that I use to see patients walk into the clinic begging for a prescription. They can be addictive. But man did the double dose really take the pain away. Every six hours I have to take my antibiotic to avoid any infection. So along with that I take a Ibuprofen and a T3. But the second and third round of T3's I just took one today. I just really needed for the pain to go away this morning.

So the swelling is better. I think? Tomorrow I've got to go back to work. I've got to face the public with this face. I almost feel like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. But regardless, this will pass too.

I'm a little disgruntled at the fact that I missed a lot of the sunny weather that has been kickin around Calgary. I've lived like a hermit for the last 3 days.

Movies over the weekend (out of five)

The Unknown 2.5 - A typical who dun it.
The King 2.5 - A disturbing/thriller
The Painted Veil 3 - I quite enjoyed this film
Breaking and entering 2 - Jude Law is the same in every movie he does.

Currently listening to -
Amy Winehouse - Rehab remix feat Jay Z
Brooke Fraser - Albertine
Hawksley Workman - You are too beautiful
Tokyo Police Club - Citizens of tomorrow

On the tube -
Smallville Season finale - I actually saw this on the web. But it was a amazing finale. can't wait for season 7

Well I guess that's all the self advertising for now. Back to work tomorrow.

I'll make him an offer he can't refuse

Day 2 - Suffering from discomfort and swollen even more.

Yesterday I made a trip out to Dr Kroetsch office for my extraction of my 2 lower wisdom teeth. I was early (30 mins). I chatted with the lady at the front and she told me how she felt bad for taking $600 plus dollars to extract teeth. In my head I thought how about how I am spending $600 to have someone afflict pain. I quickly sat down open my book. Through Painted Desert by Donald Miller. I quite enjoy this book. I laughed and share small chuckles with the people that surround me.

An hour later the nurse calls my name. "David Mark?" It never fails I say to myself. I simply smile and she quickly corrects herself "Oh sorry. Mark David ... Two first names, you must always get that." "Yup" as I smile and walk behind her. So as I walk into this large room, I was expected the usual dentist chair. But it was an actually surgery bed. I really didn't take this extraction to be surgery. But I guess with the freezing and scalpel and drill it was going to be a good old fashion surgery. I didn't feel nervous. The several needle shots to the lower gums didn't hurt till the last one. I guess the doctor hit a nerve and the pain shot from the gum right through my tongue and it hurt like someone putting a needle straight through my tongue. They left me for 20 mins to let the freezing do it's thing. At first I was worried that it wasn't enough. I could still feel my face. But I spoke to soon. It felt like my lower lip was SUPER UBER fat, my tongue had occupied my whole mouth and at first I had trouble swallowing the pool of saliva that was forming. I thought to myself that "I could die here on this bed from my own saliva and I wouldn't be able to call out for help".

The doctor told me to relax as he arrived with the nurse. He spoke to me asking me questions. But I had these instruments jammed in my mouth. How was I to answer? I hate that.

And the extraction began...

The right one was no problem. A drill here. A drill there. A tug and it was out. The left one was the big problem. It just didn't want to come out. My whole surgery was all because of the left one. 5 minutes for the right one and 30 minutes for the left one. But it was done. Both teeth were extracted and my mouth was a bloody mess. I couldn't even feel the blood on my lips or around the mouth. The nurse had to wipe it for me.

And now at present. I look like Marlon Brando in the Godfather. I use to look like Chadder the chipmunk. But now because of the 30 min onslaught on my left side. I am totally swollen around the jawline. The right side has evidence of swelling but nothing compared to the left side. I don't look symmetrical at all.

As for my weekend. I will spend it hidden in my basement. Playing The godfather on my PS2. Watching movies upon movies. And managing my pain with Lenoltec #3 with Codine, Ibuprofen and novo pen vk.

In other mindless news...

I've been away lately from blogger. But I'm back. I've notice another one of my friends have joined the blogger community. Welcome Deeds, still don't know if you read this. Tim I notice you commented this on your most recent blog. I wonder if you will be making the jump.

I've been posting most of my blogs. On my notes in facebook. But I'm back folks.

Two of Four years done

Listening to John Mayer the Village Sessions - In repair

Today was the last of my exams. I had a total onslaught of 2 exams. I wasn't pressed or stressed to do them. So I'm not bragging, cause I can relate with those with exam after exam to study for. So for those students still putting in the effort. Keep on truckin.

But I think it's best with me only having 2 exams and the way the semester has gone for me. Lately you can catch me staring into oblivion. But my mind is secured closely to earth. Im in a bit of tailspin and my mind goes from one agenda of life to the next. My heart is pressed up against my chest and knocking firmly reminding me to take in some air.

I've got lots going on. I'm going out to Vancouver to see my Dad. YC is coming up fast. And what to do with the summer? It's all in the air. With choices to make and money to save.

Canucks are into the 2nd round. But it's going to be some hard work and goals from the Sedins and Naslund to win this one. Or it's golfing season with the Flames.

Peace ya'll and say a quick prayer for me when you have the chance and dido for those who need a prayer as well. Let me know.

MD

Keep pushing boys, GO CANUCKS GO!

Goodnight till morning dawn

April showers shower snow not rain. But in the slow moving fall of the snow, it feels like rain. So wet to my feet, it feels like traces of back home. The sun shines a little longer at night, giving a good glimpse of what tomorrow could bring. But as the bright light burns out, I am looking for a spark once again. I breathe, my heart grows faint. I breathe again and my heart pumps once more.

Along the way, I've made memorials of the things I have lost along the way. Put to bed what is no longer near or far. But only a distant memory far and in between the recesses of my heart, soul and mind. I say wave goodbye to sour memories and even to memories that seized the day. Only wishing to find and create such moments as those again one day. I miss the late nights, the laughter in between what was suppose to be serious a moment. Right now I am contemplating resting for awhile in deep slumber. But lately my dreams of once great escape has been invaded by the past and its long awaited arrival is here.

So as the shadow proves the Son shine. I will walk a narrow and straight path. Looking in silence, waiting under the wing I call saviour. Because I know somewhere answers will be answered and trials will have (soul)utions. So again I end with lyrics that have truly made my mouth speak what my heart couldnt say at the start.

I can't keep losing sleep over this. No I can't and now I cannot stop pacing. Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out. If my mind would just stop racing. This is over my head But underneath my feet. Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat. And everything will be back to the way that it was. I wish that it was just that easy. Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in. Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again. I don't want to run away from this I know that I just don't need this. (Lifehouse)

I blog cause I can ...

**Warning: This blog will probably be useless**

Monday (Everybodys favorite day)
Thanks to all those who commented on my last blog. I got four in one blog. I guess people are reading this. Props to Tim for responding back to my anonymous comment/reader. Tim you pretty much explained what I was thinking. I thank my anonymous reader for challenging me to think about what I had written down. But I guess I was more or less writing this for readers with essentially the same views and faith I have. But to my dismay I forget that my blogs are publish on that site we all call facebook. And hey! We all know that we aren't all networked the same. Props and kudos to all of you who had responded.

Just add Sobeys ...
Lately I've been feeling the heat at work. Not cause I've been slacking off. But cause I feel like I have to live up to expectations of a manager. My boss puts so much on me and I just don't know how to deal. I do the same work as a assistant minus the ordering of stock and the expectations are still there to do well and to over exceed. My boss has given me Assistant manger shifts to do some odd jobs that require me to be there an hour earlier. 6am WAH WAH! But that means I get up at 4:30 instead of 5:30. WAH WAH again. But hey sleep is sleep. He's offered me the position, but he says I have to quit school. My quick response to that was "Did you just hear yourself say that". Quit my education so I can lift and sell produce for the rest of my life. No thank you. At time I love my job and other times I wish I could just throw down my apron and walk out the front door. But I take a breath... count to 10 and tell myself that I am only passing through.

Currently reading:

• Four loves by C.S. Lewis
• Chapter 14 of John
• June 2005 Issue of TRANSWORLD:SURF "Kelly Slater's all time Session"

Nhl Playoffs: The Canucks as of today are leading the series 2-1. They need to find the O in the fence. Hit even harder. A get better starts. AV keep the twins and the Naslund together (PLEASE). As for my favorite Flamers to hate. They are behind in the 0-2 against the Wings. I've watched the games and they don't look like the team I had imagined when I said back in March and I quote, "They may not win on the road, but this team is built for the playoffs." Ahh well throw out that theory. If they don't win this next game at HOME. They are done, like Oil.

Currently spinning:

• Ride - Cary Brothers
• The way I are - Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E
• Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser
• Devotion - Hillsongs United
• Give it to me - Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland & JT
• Dig this vibe - DJ Krush
• Let the love in - Goo Goo Dolls
• Everything - Michael Buble

Okay thats it.. I know I have more spinning... But I'll blog later cause I can.

The Renaissance in Resurrection

While looking through the networks of friends I have on facebook, I came upon one of my friends status that said "Celebrating Zombie Jesus Weekend". Sometimes as believers in Christ we just need to laugh and I did. It was quite humorous....

A theme that has chased me around for the last few weeks has been perseverance. How do I get through what I am currently facing without succumbing to the pressure? How does my hope/faith in Christ become application in my existence here in on earth? How do I walk on water, without getting my feet wet? I still bust out the Rocky Quote about rainbows and sunshine...

I look to the Cross. I'm reminded today on Easter Sunday that it is very important to know that if Christ was not raised from the dead. All is for not. Christ died to pay the price that mankind could not repay God. The debt was far to large of amount that exceeded the riches of the world. I once heard Tony Campolo talk about the worst person to ever walk on the face of the earth? He asked the audience, some said Hitler, Ferdinand Marcos, Kim II Sung and the list went on. Campolo response to all of those answers were no. His response and answer to his question shocked me. Jesus. At that moment when Christ was crucified at the cross. Jesus was like a sponge that absorbed all evil and took upon himself all of mankind's sin past, present and future sins to satisfy Gods wrath. But on the third day Christ rose again and conquered death and gave way for man to have a relationship with God, a abundant and full life and hope that creates a rebirth, a renaissance in every man, woman and child.

God has opened a door for everyone to come and experience this renaissance (a renewal of life, vigor, interest, etc.; rebirth; revival: a moral renaissance) that comes through the resurrection in Christ. You may be reading this and thinking how improbable this may sound. Or how you have no need for a man hung on a cross. How can so many people be so wrong? How can they continue on, when life seems to never give them any breaks? Why do they keep looking to the cross for hope?

Romans 8:26-39 OUR VICTORY IN CHRIST
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

My faith and hope in Christ allows me to hope and hope with a purpose. To understand that Christ has empowered me to live a life that is fruitful. A life abundant in what I have and what I have to come. Although life may not always be "rainbows and sunshine" life will continue to move on with or without me. So I place my hope in Christ love that can never be taken from me. I cannot be seperated by the one who is for me. We shouldn't ask how or why? But open our hearts to whats God has said and will do if we trust him. Christ is the image of the invisible God (James1:15). My Renaissance starts now and it starts in Him. Jesus.

It's snowing, but I feel Purple Rain

Weather widget says it's -6. Tomorrow we are suppose to have a high of -2 and a low of -9. Spring get here soon.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby I could never steal you from another
Its such a shame our friendship had to end

(Purple Rain - Prince)

A battle wages on. A war rages on and continues to lay siege within. I hope things are okay on that side of the moon. Theres nothing left we have in common, but the sky that blankets us both. So as I travel and continue to move forward. Remember I haven't forgotten you, unless it's because of choosen to.